Hi grievingmum, a hug from another grieving mum. I can feel the weight of your pain in your words and want to reassure you are heard and not alone in this.
I think it’s incredibly brave of you to reach out so soon after losing your baby girl. I can offer words of empathy, but it’s your words that need to be voiced.
When I first posted I had immediate replies from the facilators with helpful resources, maybe think about creating your own post – this deserves it. I will follow you.
My son had t-cell ALL, relapsed and had a bmt, I can relate to all the chemo and procedures you endured. I say you, because I understand we, as mums’ endure everything alongside our child. I’m still raw with grief, how is it possible I had to bury my child? How can I possibly live without him ?
There’s a poem under the forum ‘grieving mother’s I’d invite you to read. It said, everything I couldn’t say, but wanted to voice.
My son has a twin sister and 2 elder brothers, so I get that you still have to be mum to your two sons. A different mum, but they already know that, and how much you love them.
As I type this, sitting on my back deck, fondly remembering easter egg hunts, I’m wearing my sons clothes and it’s comforting. Yes, I sit on his bed and talk to him everyday.
I long to hear his laugh, feel the warmth of his hugs, kiss his cute chubby cheeks, I miss everything more than I feel I can bear.
And then something unexpected happens, an owl will come and sit right next to me at night, 5 butterflies will land on my shoulder, rosella’s will land on my budgies cage and sing her a song, and somehow my tormented heart feels at peace. However momentary, be watchful for these moments, they are there for you too xxx