Hi Bexzie, I hear you and I’m listening. I too have only recently joined this forum, I’m glad I did, and bravo for you too for reaching out.
Although my recent bereavement is of my child, I also know the grief of losing (both) parents.
There’s a 1 year date coming up for you soon, so it’s good that you feel safe to express your feelings here now.
I too still have many unanswered questions, unsaid words, if only…
Our stories might be a little different, as my mother passed when I was young, but I do understand the ‘trying to stay strong’ bit. I was in the midst of a divorce with 4 young babes whilst caring for my father during his end of life. He was a humble man, not of many words, but he was my dad, and I miss him with every breath of my being.
He’s still ‘your person’ so talk to him , about him, here out loud or in quiet reflection…
There’s a post here in the forum under ‘grieving mothers’ that articulates my feelings so perfectly, I’m ceertain you will also relate xx