Reply To: Loss of a Loved One

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I recently lost my partner of 8 years. I am 73 yrs old and the heartache feels as raw as if I’m a teenager. I also lost my husband of 42 years eleven years ago and did attend grief councelling which helped me at the time. But this time it feels different. We were together 24/7 with my partner and in the last 2 years I was also his carer as he had to endure amputation of the leg due to diabetes. His death was sudden in a way as he needed the other leg amputated but refused the op as he did not want to end up in a nursing home or be a burden to me. I didn’t even get the chance to be with him during his last hours. He made me laugh everyday and told me he loved me and called me his beautiful lady. At the moment I feel lost and not complete without having someone to love and care for. I feel as if I will be treated differently without someone by my side. I don’t want to be by myself because I always had someone to love, care for and be a friend to. I feel embarrased to say, at my age, that I have this great need to have someone to love who loves me and tells me he loves me everyday. Is this normal? I cry every night when I go to bed. Someone told me that perhaps I did not grieve properly the first time as I had to be strong for the rest of the family who were going through their own problems and therefore now that I don’t have to be strong for anyone else, my grief of all these years is coming through. It makes sense to me in a way and I know this is going to go on for a while. I still believe he is going to walk through any minute and everything will be fine and I will be able to tell him everything that has been going on in the last few months, then I realise it’s never going to happen and fall to pieces.