Reply To: Grief before the loss of a loved one

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#20115
Machok
Participant

Hi @Amanda83
I too had a Dad who was diagnosed with a terminal illness in April last year. After getting over the shock of knowing he had maybe 8 days, 8 weeks but not 8 months, it was a very long 10 months of love and care and making everyday count. He passed away 2 weeks ago. I really struggled especially before christmas as that was the 8 months time. We knew he could go anytime but boy it was really tough waiting, wondering and supporting him all that time especially as he got weaker. I started counselling in October because I was having panic attacks, had mild depression and was diagnosed with adjustment disorder (adjusting before the actual event) so don’t feel alone. Seek help if you need to.
My only advice to you is be kind to yourself. Its ok to be struggling. It was hard to struggle but be brave to my dad. I got as much help as I needed like services in to help him but also to take some pressure of me and my sister (meals on wheels, cleaning lady, visiting nurse to change dressings etc). We tried to call/visit someone each couple of weeks, like saying goodbye but boosting his happiness by touching base with people that meant alot to him. I felt guilty that I thought it was so much hard slog but we kept on doing what we could on the days that we could. And some days I had to lie and say I was busy doing something because I just wasn’t feeling strong enough emotionally that day.
My counsellor always says – You must eat (doesn’t matter what but you have to have food regularly throughout the day). You must exercise (walk to the letterbox or around the block. Just do something each day). And you must sleep (try and go to bed at the same time each night and I have stopped taking my devices, but will read my book which makes me tired, and you are tired from all the thinking and worry). I don’t do all these perfectly each day but I try. If I eat I don’t feel as sick. If I get up and do something I don’t think for that small amount of time. And now I have a whole new wave of feelings to deal with. He isn’t here anymore. I miss him so much. But I try to remember all the good times, all that I did for him, talk to my friends when I’m up to it and I have found this group which I’m hoping (I know) will help share the burden. Hoping you are ok as you posted a few months back. Big hugs no matter what. xK

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