Hi KB2146, thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter at such a young age. I’m really hearing that you and your family carried a lot of heavy emotion over the last 3 years when she was sick, and continue to carry that heavy grief now she is no longer with us. I can’t imagine what that feels like for you, our grief journeys are all so different. I do want to validate that what you are describing is really normal – it’s normal to feel a bit lost and not have joy in your life, and to question if/when you will feel that way again are suffering such a loss. I also want you to be aware that it’s okay to NOT wear a happy face all the time – it’s so important to allow yourself the space and time to acknowledge and really feel all the emotion that is coming up for you. As uncomfortable as that may feel for you, it really does allow the brain to process some of what we are feeling. If we continue to really feel the pain we are in, it gives us permission to start to make some sense of the situation and start to heal that wound. At this time, it is so important to surround yourself with the loving arms of your support network who can lift us up and carry us when it’s just too much to bear. That may be loved ones, family, friends or even a trained counsellor or psychologist. Your GP is also a great support – they can recommend some people or further treatments should you need it.It really helps to find multiple people who make you feel validated and supported.
Griefline have some great resources, here are some articles I’ve found that may assist you during this time. Please remember that we have trained volunteers who are on the end of the phone if you want to need to speak with someone. Please be kind, gentle and patient with yourself – it must be so difficult to carry those feelings of grief. Take care