Dear @Danna,
Welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you at this terribly difficult time. It sounds like you had a very special and close relationship with your husband – the two of you forging your own life together. We can only imagine how hard it must be for you after all the years you spent together. ❤️
Were you caring for your husband during his 18 months of treatment? The stress and strain of caring for a gravely ill spouse are intense and now coming to terms with his loss would only compound your grief. So, it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed with life in general. Be gentle on yourself and don’t expect too much.
You mention seeing empty years ahead, but right now it’s probably best not to look too far into the future. When we torment ourselves with things that are out of our control it can make everything feel overwhelming. Try to remind yourself that all you need to do is get through each day. Over time the days will become easier to navigate and the future will sort itself out.
While you don’t have family, do you have friends you can reach out to? Our article on Coping With Grief has lots of tips, one of them being ‘Force yourself to be around people and do things – even when it feels too hard. Try to have at least one thing in your calendar every day, along with a back-up.’ If this feels like too much at the moment there are lots of other tips in the article which may be helpful. You can find the article here.
And for your own self-care perhaps some mindfulness may help with the overwhelm. Our ‘Tools for Rest and Relaxation‘ page has some excellent resources. If you’re not a fan of mindful breathing you can try journaling or writing as healing, or try the ‘reflecting on positive experiences’ recording which helps take your mind to a peaceful place to give you some moments of reprieve.
@Danna we hope these coping strategies will be of some help. Most of all we hope that you feel our support. As @Possumpie says – you don’t have to feel alone here. We are here for you.