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Hi @Boeee302,
Im so sorry for ur loss hun.
I lost my beautiful girl, Rosie, in April, 5 days after my bday. She had just turned 14 in Feb. From the day I got her as an 8wk old pup, ive had that lingering thought in the back on my head that I will hav to say goodbye to her one day.
All I wanted was for her to be happy and safe at home with her family wen she passed. But her heart stopped before i could even get back to the vet. I’ll never forget the moment she was wheeled into the room on a trolley. I think its the guilt that hurts the most. Because really, she did pass away in a ‘nice’ way, she wasnt in pain, she had lived a very happy spoilt life and she was loved by so many people. But i wasnt there. I didnt get to giv her a big cuddle before the vet gave her pain killers, which knocked her out.
I spend a lot of time thinking about her every day. The only feel the guilt when i allow myself to now, though.
I find wat helped me the most, was to constantly remind myself that Rosie was worth it. She was worth having to feel the excruciating pain of saying goodbye for now. She was worth it and more. When u realise that and believe it, it doesnt take away any pain, sadness, anxiety, BUT it does make u happy (in a way) that u are hurting. And its only a good thing that ur hurting so much at the loss of ur fur baby, cos it means u loved him so so much and u care so much about him. He obviously meant the world to u hun, so he was obviously loved.
What also helped me, Rosie is buried in my backyard in her favourite spot and shes facing the table everyone sits at, so she doesnt miss out on anything. I bought a rose bush to put there and ive put out heaps of different pretty solar lights (i dont like the thought of her in the dark). It gives me a really pretty place to go ‘visit’ her when i feel like i need her.
And photos!! It took me a while to be able to look at her pics, but wen i did omg lol, i laughed and cried so hard lol. But it feels amazing to be able to laugh.
Its only bye for now hun, ur fur baby will be waiting for u on the other side. U’ll probably notice he gets impatient sometimes, cos u’ll eventually see something 😉 my partner and i saw her last week walk around my side of the bed. My dad saw her walk into the house a few weeks ago. And my mum hears her out at the table all the time 💞
Jus remember, having him in ur life with all the happiness and joy he gav u, it was all worth it 💞
Sending u strength, love and kindness xo