Hi Tamar1, it is difficult and hearbreaking. I lost my brother, 49 yo to Lupus on 9 Aug 2021. Spent a week crying in foetal position. Find a quiet place and let all your tears out. It will help you cope. Emotional tears contain Cortisol stress hormone. Let all your tears out so it does not stay inside you and kill you from the inside. When you play the music that your brother and you both liked, try to “reprogram” your mind – so that now you see in that music, not only your brother but also yourself. That is how i deal with it. Still raw, still in shock, but I am dealing with it.