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Reply To: The added pain on top of deep grief… by insensitive others

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one The added pain on top of deep grief… by insensitive others Reply To: The added pain on top of deep grief… by insensitive others


Thank you so much for your message. I’ve found, sadly, that most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don’t really care. I have one friend who was actually willing to listen and not afraid to talk about death – and this is because she’d lost both her parents too, so she understood the pain, and she lives on the other side of the world, but I am so grateful for her!

So in answer your question, firstly I’d cried and sobbed literally every day for the first 6 weeks. I wasn’t afraid to do so as I knew the old saying about ‘there’s no way over, under or around grief – you have to go THROUGH it’. Luckily I’m not working at the moment so I had the space to do that but know that if I had been it would’ve been very difficult for me. I have an old jumper of his – one that he’d actually worn when I was a baby (I have a photo of him wearing it and holding me) so at night, in bed, I’d just hug it for comfort. I also lit a candle every night next to his photos and poured through old photo albums. At around the 6 weeks mark I realised that I’d just about ran out of tears and it was OK to stop now. I knew that my dear Dad would hate to see me in so much pain and could just imagine him in my mind telling me to be strong and that I had to pick myself up and carry on. The realisation and acceptance also settled on me that it was the natural order of things – although it was totally unexpected, he was almost 82 years old and had lived an extraordinary life having lived in Australia as a young man, travelled so much of the world and had a loving family back in the UK where he passed away. He’d lived a big and (mostly) happy life so I would be happy and grateful for that. At the service someone described him in their eulogy as being a ‘tall oak tree of strength and resolve’ – he was exactly that, he was 6’4″ and had such a presence and as his daughter I can only hope to have inherited some of the same. I miss him dearly every day and just wish the phone would ring (he was the only person to use the landline) and now I have a tear writing that but I have to accept things as they are – he has now passed the batten on to me.

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