That sounds like a lot. It’s great that you have reached out, both here and getting on the wait-list for grief counselling.
When my dad died, for me the colour of everything changed. It was made worse when it seemed that other people were carrying on as usual while I was facing never having a hug from my dad again. His loss really hit me about three months afterwards when I read something and thought “my dad would love this” and suddenly realised that I could never tell him. He died nearly four years ago and, while I still miss him, the moments of feeling deep loss have lessoned…although I still have moments when a favourite piece of music of his will come on and I’ll weep, it can be quite cathartic. The famous Auden poem, “Stop All the Clocks” sums it up for me and sometimes I’ll read it just to have a good cry.
Please keep sharing with us, we’ll listen.