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Dear @Nessa, welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you – it’s clear that the loss of your beloved husband has been utterly devastating for you. You are in the clutches of active grief right now which can be so debilitating and seemingly insurmountable. Think of yourself in an ocean of grief – the waves crashing over you. They are so huge and coming so fast that you just barely manage to catch a breath before the next one comes. Perhaps you are fighting so hard to swim against it or beyond it that you are exhausting yourself… But when the ocean is this rough sometimes the safest thing to do is just focus on breathing. Be gentle on yourself…give yourself permission to stay in bed if that’s the safest place to be; cry as long and hard and often as you need to; allow yourself a reprieve from having to ‘move on’; and maybe even put down the self-care tools for a moment if all that busyness is leaving you depleted.
You say you feel as though you are letting your daughters down. Perhaps allow yourself to consider Bettelheim’s ‘good enough parent’ concept… which suggests that good enough parents are the best parents. They know the parent-child relationship goes both ways… It is a relationship between equals in the sense that the two parties are equally important, equally deserving of empathy, comfort, patience and happiness. It’s your turn now – let yourself lean on your girls if their support helps you through the days.
@Ness please keep reaching out to us here. Expressing yourself in this way can help to make sense of it all. Know that there are others here on the forums who also feel alone and isolated in their grief. We’re here for you. 🌸