Just checking in and sending a note of care and also thanks for sharing your story on Mother’s Day. We acknowledge the overwhelming emotions you are dealing with, made even harder on Mother’s Day. It’s clear you had a very special bond with your mum which makes the grief all the more painful and it sounds like you’re going through a really hard time – being pregnant with your first child and feeling isolated and abandoned by your dad.
Like you say, we have no doubt your Mum would give you love and support if she were here. And we wonder what advice she would give you if she had the chance. Sometimes it’s helpful to imagine what our loved one would say to us – it can give us a new perspective on things and maybe even some help with decision-making. Perhaps she would look for ways to ensure you have the right support around you with the upcoming arrival of your beautiful baby…perhaps she even inspired you to write your post here on the forums!
As a young, single mother you deserve to be cared for and supported, if your family don’t have the capacity to do that for you right now, then there are many caring community agencies and individuals who would open their arms to you.
We have listed some agencies below who may be able to offer help;
• THE NATIONAL COUNCIL FOR SINGLE MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN – give “access to information and support …and enables women to make informed decisions, and better equip them to protect and support themselves and their child (ren). NCSMC gives primacy to mothers living in hardship.
On their website, they state “Single mothers have and will continue to raise amazing children.” – we feel sure this relates to you too. Their website is https://www.dev.ncsmc.org.au/
• The Council of Single Mothers and their Children is a non-profit organisation founded by single mothers to improve both their lives and those of their children. They “do this through telephone and email support, giving single mothers a greater voice and advocating for their rights in employment, income security, affordable childcare and housing and respectful treatment from government agencies.” The website address is; https://www.csmc.org.au/
• Motherless Daughters Australia provide “a space for women and girls to grieve in an empowering and positive way, as they learn to navigate life without their mum. We bring women of all ages and backgrounds together to comfort, soothe and support each other in a non-judgemental space and provide platforms to facilitate discussion that might not otherwise have been possible. You can register with them at https://www.motherlessdaughters.com.au/
@JoJo90, the fact that you had the courage and clarity to publish your post shows us the huge amount of determination you have to care for your self and your upcoming baby. Not everyone is brave enough to share their story – this is a real strength. There are ways you can build on this resilience and some of them are listed on our “Coping with Grief” article which you can check out here on our Resource Hub. In the meantime, here are a few we feel might relate to you;
Establish safety and build self-empowerment…
Our grief can consume us with thoughts that cause fear and avoidance and make us believe things will never get better or that we should never be happy again but there are ways to feel safe and strong again. Here are some tips for feeling safe and in control;
Identify your strengths and remind yourself of the challenges you have overcome before this. Change your self-image from a ‘victim’ to a ‘survivor’ and even a ‘thriver’.
Note down coping strategies on post-it notes to turn to when you’re struggling. Stick them to high-use items such as your computer, steering wheel or fridge.
Start a coping diary in which you rate each day between 1 and 10 according to how well you coped. Ask yourself what you can do to increase your score and work on increasing the number of good days compared to bad.
Remember, you always have choices no matter how hard things seem. Don’t settle by thinking “it is what it is”.
Please keep in touch, we are here for you as you navigate your grief journey and the big changes in your life ahead 🌸