Hello Dreamweaver67. I felt compelled to write to you. Grief can turn into quite a soul searching journey asking the questions that never seem to have an answer, the injustice of it all, requiring a comprehension we just can’t fathom. There are many books on grief, death, passing of loved ones. There is also the subject of Metaphysics with the belief of we are souls having a human experience, we are consciousness and continue to exist after we leave the human body.
Have you ever watched YouTube videos of those psychic mediums Matt Fraser and the Long Island Medium? I watch them and I actually find great comfort in them as they show us our loved ones see and hear everything we do and of course, they do not want us to suffer. There is comfort knowing they are safe and although we may not be able to physically see or hear them or have a conversation, they are always with us. I also watch a lot of Near Death Experiences on there, they too are great comforters.
Please give yourself permission to feel joy again. Sit quietly in the love you have for your daughter – not the loss, not what happened, not that her life was cut short, but the pure love in your heart, what a feeling right? imagine that love running through every part of your body, imagine it soothing you as it does. Imagine filling your home with that energy of love. I believe with grief, it’s all about ‘soothing the soul’ anything that feels good to your soul and is not detrimental to your health of course.
Doing stretches or taking up Yoga can release tension in the body. Taking meditation classes. Have you heard of Tapping as a healing modality? There are so many healing modalities! you just have to find what sings to your soul. Have you heard of the Camino Trail? (okay maybe now is not the time with Covid but for future reference).
I believe that when you feel ready to ‘sooth your soul’ (I don’t want to use the word ‘heal’ because do you ever heal? I think it’s more about soothing the pain), you will begin a spiritual journey and maybe you have already begun as you wrote on here. I think though the biggest take from all of this is that she is always in your heart, she isn’t going anywhere, you can talk to her whenever you want, you are allowed to live, to experience, to feel joy.
I don’t expect any of my suggestions to be acted upon and they may not be your cup of tea, but i do hope i have given you food for thought about some things you can look into that may help you, and they may lead to another modality.
Your daughter may have left her physical body, but she is still with you. And yes, I have to say it, i know it’s a very common thing to say but it’s just so damn true – do you think she’d want you to live your life in such pain? If you had died instead would you want your family to suffer with overwhelming grief for the rest of their lives or would you want them to celebrate you? Think happy thoughts when they thought of you? To remember you but also to continue with their lives? There is no way she wants you to cry all day everyday, and you have a son? I bet he wants to see his mum rise up and feel good again.
I really hope you find your way. I really hope you find some peace in your heart. I really hope you see better days. I wish you all the best. Take care.