thank you for sharing this significant part of your story. i am sorry for your loss. grief can make us feel so sad and hopeless.
your words remind me of when my dad lost my mum . he shared some of the same sentiments. he repeatedly asked why did she go, where did she go. he expressed so much guilt and anger at himself.
i don’t know if it gets better or if we learn to live a different kind of life but i know that we are all survivors. I’m sending you so much love and courage, @robyn i hope you practice lots of selfcare as you so deserve.