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My husband of over 40 years died suddenly on Monday night from a heart attack. The paramedics came and worked on him for half an hour but they could not revive him. Up to that point he had been fine with no symptoms that day of anything being wrong. He did have a heart arythmia but that had seemed under control. Otherwise he was a well relatively fit man of 72. We were starting to make plans to travel again after COVID.
I feel like my life is over and while I know these feelings are not unusual don’t want to go on without him. We have two daughters who are trying to be supportive but they are also coping with their own grief.
I am acting a bit like a robot and going through the motions of arranging everything but I keep wondering why this had to happen. Could I have done more to save him? The Dr tells me no but of course I don’t believe that. I keep playing the whole scene over in my mind and coming up with what if’s.
Life now seems pointless and has no meaning and all the plans we were making irrelevant. I am aware that it is supposed to get easier with time and know this to be true after losing both parents but this seems different. I don’t relish living a life on my own and am not a big social person. Generally we just did things together.
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