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Thanks for your replies. I guess I feel desperate at the moment as I don’t know how I am going to get through this terrible tragedy for me. I truly feel like I have lost my other half as we were so dependent on each other for everything ie company, help and love. I know he had my back as I did his and cannot understand how life can be so cruel as to separate us in our later years. We were both active, relatively fit and apparently healthy and enjoyed lots of activities including walking our dog and gardening. We were looking forward to travelling again even if only in Australia for the time being. My husband loved life and wanted to go sailing again and was committed to reducing our carbon footprint ie we are fully solar powered and have an electric car.
I feel like my life is over even though I know that it is possible I could live for many more years. I don’t see any happiness in the future as it will not be shared with him. I am aware that my children and grandchildren do not share this thought but after a lifetime of absolute closeness do not see how I can ever feel this way again.I guess the things I miss most are just that – a glass of wine and a chat in the afternoon, ringing from the shops to see if he wants something extra, a cuddle in the morning and a cup of tea over the news. Being able to say whatever you feel without feeling judged and having some discussions re our future plans feature as well. We did not always agree but always knew that did not really matter – we would work it out. Our relationship could be fiery but underlying we knew there was a deep commitment and love. I cannot quantify how much I miss him and believe I will continue to do so only more after people go back to their usual lives as they must.
I know I am not unique and that life is not necessarily fair but keep asking why? There is no answer and I don’t expect one but it does seem so cruel. Can I be happy again? I doubt it at this point, and I fear I might be right. It’s not like I am young and possibly find someone else. I don’t even want to. I found my soulmate and he is gone.