My dad passed away in Nov 20 from Cancer. I have been going through intense and complicated mental disorder that I have ever imagined. He passed away overseas and I had to attend his funeral and say goodbye after 14 days isolation. Saw him sleeping in the coffin and being pushed to be cremated when one month ago, he was standing in front of me talking. I wake up every day with vividly being aware he is gone and regret of not cherishing every single day with him when he was alive. I have been feeling meaningless of life and hopeless of rest of my life. Everything is different to me now and I know I won’t be truly happy for the rest of my life any more. Not too sure how long it takes for me to heal but I miss him so much and I cannot control crying when I think about him. I feel dying in my heart as well.