So sorry for your loss.
My heart goes out to you, I lost my husband in traumatic and sudden circumstances, he was only 33 and we had a new baby. I found The centre for greif and bereavement in Melbourne amazing and the counselling is a free service.
Take each day at a time, I found personally constantly thinking about the future just caused me more stress, although don’t be hard on yourself if you find yourself doing it, I found as times gone on I recognise the waves of greif more.
As a metaphor, I’ve found greif for me similar to having a baby (without the joy!) but the first year I had no idea what I was doing, it totally consumed me. Year two it’s like I’ve learnt how to change the nappies, I’m used to the crying and the tantrums and I’ve learnt to just go with the flow a bit more, I carry this new baby grief with me everyday and I’m slowing learning to accept it will now always be a part of my life and I need to care for it,
although everyday is a struggle, I felt journaling helped, talking to my trusted circle of friends and family, and the greif counselling. When Im having a low day I sometimes look back at the journal and remember how much better I am from the early days.
I’m learning there is no one way to handle greif and loss, some days now I get glimpses of hope and other days I only see dark clouds. But overall it does get easier. Be kind to yourself. You are doing incredible be so proud of how your handling yourself when you’ve been handed such and unfair and difficult situation.
Strength and love to you