Hi @Joncou, welcome to the Griefline forums and thank you for having the courage and strength to share your story. It sounds like you’re going through a really distressing and overwhelming time and we’re glad that you’ve reached out for support and understanding.
There is a chance you are experiencing a mix of pnd and grief at the moment. Have you had a chance to see your GP to discuss this? They are in the best position to diagnose anything more complicated than a normal grief reaction.
That being said, with less than 6 months gone since you lost your Dad you may still be in the midst of your grief particularly because you haven’t had the time or space to fully process his loss with the demands of your newborn and two other children. Sometimes when we don’t have the opportunity to feel, recognise and sit with our emotions we get ‘stuck’ in them rather than moving through them. You might find that writing down what’s happening for you in a journal helps to make sense of what you’re going through, what triggers you to miss him, feel sad and cry. Over time you will hopefully use this insight to prepare yourself for your downtimes during the day/week, with the knowledge that you will emerge from them at some point.
@Joncou, it sounds like you are under an enormous amount of pressure to look after 3 children all day despite not being at your usual capacity due to your grief. However, it might help to remind yourself that the ‘good enough parent’ is the best parent…that is the parent who gives their children the help they need and want but not more than this. As long as your children are safe and you can be sensitive and responsive to their physical and emotional needs you are doing really well under the circumstances. Perhaps you don’t need to strive for perfection with the older children…but instead take some pressure off and give yourself some space to heal…you might find the mindfulness recording on the Griefline website is a soothing way to zone out for a little while when things become overwhelming.
Also having an understanding of grief can really help so please take a look at our resource hub to gain some clarity around what’s happening for you.
In the meantime, you are very welcome here. This is a space where you can connect and download and hopefully feel a little less isolated and misunderstood. Please take care and keep in touch.