Some of the best advice I have been given is that only you know how you need to grieve. So grieve in the way you feel is best. It is the hardest time, the most excruciating time, so you need to do what feels right. People who judge you usually have no idea how much pain you are in, so you need to put yourself before their judgements and comments. Your grief is a measure of your love, and it sounds as though you were so loving and committed to making your father’s life the best it could be. What a beautiful person you are. I hope you are able to take care of yourself while you go through this difficult journey. It is early days yet.