hey @effie i didnt think you were selfish at all. we all have our grief. remember its very recent too that your dad passed away. its normal for you to feel many feelings. its interesting that you heard footsteps in the house. i sometimes hear my mums voice. its nice to feel like i have some kind of connection in that way, even if it is just my brain coping with the loss. sometimes i write a letter to her and then wonder what she might write back to me and write that too. it sounds a bit silly but its my way of keeping connected, I guess. you are compassionate and kind to continue to be there for your mum and look after her. make sure you look after yourself too. i know it hurts when we feel like we are the ones pulling all the weight but others seem to just be cruising and unaffected. give yourself time. try to focus on your breathing, remind yourself whats important to you. and make sure youre eating well, drinking water, and try to get some good nights sleep. sometimes when im struggling a lot, i ask myself,”what would mum tell me right now” and the answer pops up. i dont know if my post helps you but i hope it does.