Grief doesn’t always arrive with a death certificate. For Suzana, a respected success coach, it crept in quietly — through the end of a significant relationship, the slow decline of her father living with dementia, and the resurfacing of an old ache: the grief of not being able to have children.

Each layer of pain revealed another: the loss of companionship, the fading vision of a shared future, and the disorientation of watching life change around her while feeling left behind. Though the person she was grieving was still alive, the pain was deep and raw — like losing a family member, a rhythm, a world.

Here is Suzana‘s story, in her own words:

Finding myself alone in deep emotional pain at the age of 51 was never something I expected to happen to me. Although the person I was grieving was alive, it felt like the death of a family member because he was family, my best friend, my partner in life and also in business.

Facing my ageing parents, whom I am very close with and dad having dementia and deteriorating (which was another layer of grief) made me reflect on where life would be for me now that my relationship failed and my parents would sooner or later leave this physical realm. I was confronted with the grief of not being able to have children yet again. I thought I had moved through this grief but it was obviously still there.

In order to navigate my loss, I allowed myself to feel the pain. As difficult as it had been, I allowed myself to experience the pain, all of it. I allowed the shame to come up. This was the best thing I could have done. It allowed me to notice things about myself that were still there and needed healing. This, I believe has made me an even better coach because I now am able to help my clients from a place of experience rather than just a text book response. I really understand what pain, grief and feeling like a failure is and what some of my clients might be going through.

I won’t say my processing of pain has been easy. The entire year felt like I was crawling out of the day to survive. However, I knew that experiencing the ‘rawness’ – the crying, the rest, the emotional pain was necessary for a new life and a new version of me to emerge. So, I reminded myself that the caterpillar has a complete transformation in the cocoon while it was uncomfortable.

I was grateful for what this experience taught me and for whom I was growing into.

To those also struggling with grief related to aging or life transitions; grief is real. Grief can come at any age or stage. There are a few certainties in life and one of those is that change is inevitable. If you are experiencing grief, allow yourself to feel it. Listen to yourself, to your body and ask yourself what it is that you need. Speak to a professional or someone who understands you. Get out in nature or a short walk every day. Grief is a time to slow down and really ask yourself what you need during this time – we are all different, so it is very important to be guided by your own needs.