Mum passing away during going through delayed grief/depression with Dads death

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Tagged: #griefmanagment #overwhelminggrief

This topic has 16 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by stillsad.

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October 27, 2022 at 4:25 pm #23236

Paul s
Participant

Hi,
Was having an incredibly tough time dealing with my dads death. I had delayed grief and overwhelming emotional response and depression 3 years after he died in 2019. In 2020 my mum passed away also whilst i hadnt really progressed much with my dads healing. I was extremely close to my dad, he was my everything and then mum passing also just put the icing on the cake for a perfect storm or hurricane should i say. Ive had to resign from my job from dealing with depression also, as ive decided due to personal reasons against meds.
Anyway, im finding this grief is so up and down, im trying to move forward and get going with becoming somewhat active in doing sinple tasks jobs, as im just coming out of a deep depression now, but still finding it painfull to do stuff withoit feeling guilty ill forget him especially and thats holding me back i think. Im looking forward to the future and what it holds, as im still single, but luckily have great friends and pretty good support, but evertine i start doing stuff it hits me and im hokding back and its fustrating and i get angry and then ball my eyes out, which ive already done alot with despair and sorrow amd screaming whichbi know is good.
I know the pain will ease over time, bu its just so tough at moment.
Anyone elses experiences would be much appreciated.
Thankyou
Paul
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December 3, 2022 at 12:25 pm #23715

stillsad
Participant

Hi Paul – you will definitely beat the depression because you have said you will and that optimism is a massive step forward. I will take on your advice and try and find a good counsellor asap. Take care.

December 2, 2022 at 8:37 pm #23709

Paul s
Participant

Hi there,
Sorry for your losses, especially your mum recently. Nothing can prepare you fully when you lose someone you love. Its ok to feel guilty,angry at the moment. Be gentle on yourself though, your human, with emotions, and the grief will bring all sorts of the most deeply felt pain in you, at any time it wants. Keep on reading the book when you can and talking to someone you confide in, or councellor, etc. Thats the hardest part im finding, talking it out with soneone, as my councellor is ok but i need abit more. Journaling helps, but, referring to your question about spirituality, ive turned to god alot also recently, and i talk and express my pain to him. I have faith and believe your loved ones are always watching you and with you, and i talk to my dad constantly every day,,as i used to when he was alive. It feels good, to share things with him still, and they both are helping me in lots of ways, that ive seen still, so their spirit never dies, and they are always in your heart and mind. In regards to god, ive found, he has helped and guided me through this incredibly tough period in my life, and he continues too, even though i do question his,ways sometimes and get angry abit with him. Its hard to see the goodness sometimes and how he works, but then he turns around and comforts and guides me, so ill never doubt him, thats forsure, even with the deep, dark hole im in at the moment, going through this debilitating, nuisance of a deoression, which ive promised myself ill beat it in everyway, no matter how long it takes

Hope this helps.
Take care.
Paul

December 2, 2022 at 8:08 pm #23708

Paul s
Participant

Thanks Harv,
Appreciate your words. Writing a letter is a very good exercise, ive done it afew times to my mum and dad especially over the last year or so, and its very healing.
Take care
Paul

December 2, 2022 at 8:04 pm #23707

Paul s
Participant

Hi Jc25,
Just letting you know ive read the book and it was very useful. Ive also signed up in megans fb webpage for the 30 day journal course, which is really good and libks you to the support group, who are all doing it also, to share youre experiences.
Regards.
Paul

December 2, 2022 at 4:54 pm #23703

stillsad
Participant

Thanks Maree. Talking to our beloveds sounds like a good strategy – whether graveside or not – just talking through thoughts and having conversations (imaginary & real) I’m sure can help smooth out emotions and clarify our feelings. A little internal dialogue can’t hurt right? Hopefully in time you can make it back to your dad’s resting place without it hurting so much. Take care x

December 2, 2022 at 8:38 am #23698

maree
Participant

Im sorry for your loss. My parents werent spiritual people, nor am I. So “No” I dont think my parents are present. I used to go to Dads resting place,regularly, and sit and talk about everything thats been happening. It helped alot, but now Mum is with him, I havnt been able to go. It sounds crazy,but it reminds me, shes gone. So I agree not being spiritual is super hard. Why do we exist in the first place, to live, love and lose.Extremely cruel experience!

December 2, 2022 at 1:50 am #23697

stillsad
Participant

Hi Paul & Maree
I just lost my mum two weeks ago and my dad 4 years ago so understand how sad you must both feel. I wake up crying all the time and the loss seems overwhelming. I really wasn’t prepared for how hard it would hit me. I feel guilty for not being a better daughter and angry at myself and then angry that I didn’t get time to make things right. I am reading a book called “grief and grieving” which is helping (when I can read it without crying). The default position seems to be that death is transformative. But if you are not overly spiritual (no life after death) it’s super hard. I would like to think that mum and dad are watching over me but I’m not sure – do you think that your parents are still “present” ?

November 30, 2022 at 11:50 am #23688

traceyh
Participant

Hello Paul,

I am sorry for your profound losses. I resonate with the expression of your painful experience, that up and down, crying , depression, never ending, not wanting to use anti depressant drugs , losing the people that supported you unconditionally and facing the future without them.

Take care

Tracey

November 14, 2022 at 4:38 pm #23433

harv
Participant

Hi Paul,

Very sorry to hear of your Mum’s passing, that’s one of the toughest losses to go through in life, and it would be a great deal harder with the delayed grief of your Dad’s passing. It’s important to go through the grieving process, absolutely, but watch that it doesn’t overwhelm you completely.

Keep reminding yourself that they would want you to enjoy your time here and experience the best life has to offer. What helps me is writing a letter to my passed loved one and say or write all the things I didn’t get to tell them, it helps me to manage my grief well.

Take care
Harv

November 9, 2022 at 3:29 pm #23369

Paul s
Participant

Im sorry to hear about your loss also. Thankyou very much for the recommendation, i have just bought it, and look forward to reading it.
I hope you are slowly working through your grief and finding peace, hope and happiness again.

Kind regards.
Paul
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Mum passing away during going through delayed grief/depression with Dads death

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