Mum passing away during going through delayed grief/depression with Dads death

[Paul s]

Hi,
Was having an incredibly tough time dealing with my dads death. I had delayed grief and overwhelming emotional response and depression 3 years after he died in 2019. In 2020 my mum passed away also whilst i hadnt really progressed much with my dads healing. I was extremely close to my dad, he was my everything and then mum passing also just put the icing on the cake for a perfect storm or hurricane should i say. Ive had to resign from my job from dealing with depression also, as ive decided due to personal reasons against meds.
Anyway, im finding this grief is so up and down, im trying to move forward and get going with becoming somewhat active in doing sinple tasks jobs, as im just coming out of a deep depression now, but still finding it painfull to do stuff withoit feeling guilty ill forget him especially and thats holding me back i think. Im looking forward to the future and what it holds, as im still single, but luckily have great friends and pretty good support, but evertine i start doing stuff it hits me and im hokding back and its fustrating and i get angry and then ball my eyes out, which ive already done alot with despair and sorrow amd screaming whichbi know is good.
I know the pain will ease over time, bu its just so tough at moment.
Anyone elses experiences would be much appreciated.
Thankyou
Paul

Topic

[maree]

Im sorry for your loss. My parents werent spiritual people, nor am I. So “No” I dont think my parents are present. I used to go to Dads resting place,regularly, and sit and talk about everything thats been happening. It helped alot, but now Mum is with him, I havnt been able to go. It sounds crazy,but it reminds me, shes gone. So I agree not being spiritual is super hard. Why do we exist in the first place, to live, love and lose.Extremely cruel experience!

[stillsad]

Thanks Maree. Talking to our beloveds sounds like a good strategy – whether graveside or not – just talking through thoughts and having conversations (imaginary & real) I’m sure can help smooth out emotions and clarify our feelings. A little internal dialogue can’t hurt right? Hopefully in time you can make it back to your dad’s resting place without it hurting so much. Take care x

[Paul s]

Hi Jc25,
Just letting you know ive read the book and it was very useful. Ive also signed up in megans fb webpage for the 30 day journal course, which is really good and libks you to the support group, who are all doing it also, to share youre experiences.
Regards.
Paul

[Paul s]

Thanks Harv,
Appreciate your words. Writing a letter is a very good exercise, ive done it afew times to my mum and dad especially over the last year or so, and its very healing.
Take care
Paul

[Paul s]

Hi there,
Sorry for your losses, especially your mum recently. Nothing can prepare you fully when you lose someone you love. Its ok to feel guilty,angry at the moment. Be gentle on yourself though, your human, with emotions, and the grief will bring all sorts of the most deeply felt pain in you, at any time it wants. Keep on reading the book when you can and talking to someone you confide in, or councellor, etc. Thats the hardest part im finding, talking it out with soneone, as my councellor is ok but i need abit more. Journaling helps, but, referring to your question about spirituality, ive turned to god alot also recently, and i talk and express my pain to him. I have faith and believe your loved ones are always watching you and with you, and i talk to my dad constantly every day,,as i used to when he was alive. It feels good, to share things with him still, and they both are helping me in lots of ways, that ive seen still, so their spirit never dies, and they are always in your heart and mind. In regards to god, ive found, he has helped and guided me through this incredibly tough period in my life, and he continues too, even though i do question his,ways sometimes and get angry abit with him. Its hard to see the goodness sometimes and how he works, but then he turns around and comforts and guides me, so ill never doubt him, thats forsure, even with the deep, dark hole im in at the moment, going through this debilitating, nuisance of a deoression, which ive promised myself ill beat it in everyway, no matter how long it takes

Hope this helps.
Take care.
Paul

[stillsad]

Hi Paul – you will definitely beat the depression because you have said you will and that optimism is a massive step forward. I will take on your advice and try and find a good counsellor asap. Take care.

[Author]

Replies