[annmarie]

Hi I’m relatively new to this. I lost my mum 7 weeks ago, she was in a nursing home and suffered from vascular dementia. Even though she was sick her death wasn’t excpected so suddenly. I’m struggling. I also lost my dad in September last year and my two elderly cats (my children) just before that. I have no siblings and am alone. I miss my mum incredibly and am struggling with my anxiety and depression. The one cat I have left which is mums is not well at the moment also so I’m panicking as well.

The grief of all my losses is unimaginable and I feel like no one understands but the loss of my mum has totally broken me. I don’t know how to move forward. Any advice would be great. Thank you.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear davidb316,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us. I want you to know that your feelings are valid and make perfect sense in light of the pain and difficulties you’ve experienced throughout your life. It takes courage to express your thoughts and emotions, especially when life feels overwhelming and hopeless.
It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of trauma and pain for a long time, and it’s completely natural to feel exhausted and disillusioned. Please know that healing and hope are still possible, even when it feels like you’ve been in darkness for a long time.

If you feel you are at imminent risk of taking your own life, please do not hesitate to call 000 for urgent help.
Lifeline volunteers are on hand to help you with crisis support on 13 11 14 (24 hrs), or Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467

Most importantly, know that you are not alone, and your life has value. Healing and personal growth are not linear processes, and setbacks are a natural part of the journey. With the right support and resources, it’s possible to rediscover a sense of hope and purpose.

If you’re not in immediate danger, and feel up to a compassionate conversation about your sense of loss and grief, please reach out to our Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm) to connect with a caring volunteer.

Take care. We’re here for you.

[vm-jessie]

Hi Missy,
The death of a soul sister is such a huge loss. I sometimes think society underestimates the bond of friendship and the grief that happens when they are no longer there. Your friendship sounded incredibly special and to be diagnosed and pass away in such a quick period must have been such a shock. I’m sure many people have told you that grief doesn’t have a time frame; it comes and goes, and ebbs and flows. Some days you feel like you’ve got it all together, and the next you can’t get out of bed, especially on days like her birthday or the anniversary of her death. I have a photo of a dear loved friend where I light a candle or put a cup of tea or glass of wine and we talk. That helps me feel connected to her even though she isn’t here in body I feel her in spirit. Sending you all the love. J

[claraflo]

Hi Shaz
I’m so sorry to read your post snd hear how lonely you are. I’ve just lost my husband- it hasn’t really hit me yet but I can still hear his voice and imagine him raising his eyebrows at my bad jokes.
It’s just hard. I’m so sorry.

[davidb316]

I feel like I’m existing; dead already. All I’ve been through. Hard to put in to words. Where is life? Where’s revival in my life; my heart?
More years behind than there are ahead.
Raped, bullied, told to kill myself by a “family” member, survived suicide attempt and such. It created such anxiety in me.
Not sure what to do. Just marching along to the end, it feels like.
Not wanting to die but, if death called, I’d be thinking of embracing it like a friend knowing it’s over….it’s finally over.
Not even sure I’m making sense.

[vmmaggie]

Dear Missy 2001 – thank you for sharing around your grief journey following the death of your close friend. The 12 month anniversary and her recent birthday are those marker events which heighten the both the sense of loss and that actual sense of ‘goneness’. As said previously, grief is not a linear process, has its own rhythm of good days and bad days.
Hopefully you are able to reflect on the privilege associated with your special gift of presence and ‘being there’ during those last months and, in time, share stories with her child about the special person their mother is.
I find it a worthwhile ritual to have a candle alight beside the photo of a deceased loved one particularly on significant days, talking to them too in a way that underpins your continuing bond. VMmaggie

[vance]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing someone that close, especially someone who felt like your entire world, is earth-shattering. What you did for her in those last months shows just how deeply you loved her, and it makes sense that the grief still feels so raw. I lost someone very close too, and I remember wondering the same thing- when will it stop hurting this much? For me, it helped to talk it through with someone from Your Online Psychologist. They really helped me understand that grief doesn’t have a timeline and that it’s okay for it to still hurt. There’s a page I found comforting too: Grief and Loss Counselling – Your Online Psychologist. It made me feel a little less alone. Be gentle with yourself, you’ve been through something incredibly painful, and healing doesn’t mean forgetting. You’re still carrying her love with you.

[vixeni]

Today I heard the news of my grandads passing, although it was expected it definitely hurts not being able to be there physically but being able to video call him one last time before his passing is an amazing thing. I am concerned about my work because I just came back from a holiday and I’ve taken alot of leave and I would like to go to his funeral which I would need to travel overseas to do and I work 12hrs shiftwork so Im not sure what I am entitled to. Having both my dad and my sister heading overseas but just missing his passing really makes me feel bad and the potential arguments with family that they will have with each other is making me stressed out

[missy2001]

A year ago I lost my best friend to cancer. She was 26 years old, a mother of one baby boy. She had been my constant and saviour for years. I have no family but in her I found everything. After two months of being diagnosed, being told she had cancer – she was dead. In the end I was her carer. I helped her shower and dress. I stayed the night at the hospital, watched her baby during the day. Stayed at her parents house. My world evolved around her, she was my everything. It was her birthday last Tuesday. It doesn’t feel easier, the grief doesn’t feel more bearable, less painful. I feel as though I lost everything. When will it feel easier? When will I be okay?

[vance]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this – it’s such a heavy, heartbreaking place to be. I went through something similar with a close family member, and the grief hit me in waves I didn’t expect. What helped me was talking to someone outside of my circle, I connected with Your Online Psychologist during that time, and it gave me space to work through the emotions without feeling overwhelmed at work or day-to-day. Everyone’s grief is different, but you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out if it gets too much.

[Author]

Replies