Where do they go??

[zero]

I had to have my best mate put down and the pain is so bad. I never expected him to completely vanish leaving an emptiness I cant face,

Topic

[roamingshepherd]

🙂 Thanks. It took me a while (it felt like a lifetime!) to figure that all out after my dog died. But it’s a great question. A very moving question. One we’ve probably been asking for thousands of years and will probably keep asking for thousands more.
It was a great comfort to me once I realised that we carry them with us. Sometimes the weight is heavy, sometimes it’s light. It changes every day. I am glad to still have a relationship with my fallen hero through this fluctuating landscape of emotions. I’d give EVERYTHING to see her again, to smell her again but I’m glad she had me and never had to know a day without me. She had a wonderful life with me and taught me how to recognise (and befriend) other dogs that are fearful of people or eye contact or just lack self confidence. I’ll never be the same and I’m so glad! And she would be proud of me for helping other dogs who don’t feel so sure about something to feel safe and respected and secure and build their confidence and trust gently.

I am sure every pet owner has earned similar gifts… Learning the quirks of a hyperactive cat, secret hiding spots for treats or naps, how to play with their pet depending on the age or weather or time of day, how to read their moods, what foods they’re sensitive to, the most special treats… all lessons for the next dog or cat (or any pet) or person we meet who might share traits with our old companion. 🙂

My family don’t understand because they are afraid of attachment, feelings, vulnerability, love, friendship, kinship. I can not imagine a worse life. To live in such fear of grief or loss that you never let love or friendship into your heart? No thanks. I see the ones who have lost as the lucky ones. It’s strong to share, to share life and feelings and space. To be able to be real, it’s special! Whether you share your home and life with people or animals – whoever you love and cherish and eventually grieve, you’ve done a great thing. Two souls agree and both say “yes, I’ll let you in.” That’s… I think that’s the most amazing, powerful, meaningful moment I’ve had. I think that’s what I live for. To be a part of those experiences of connection.

Life is rare in this universe. To connect with another soul? I think that means you did well. 🙂

[VM-Buffalo3]

Dear @roamingshepherd, what a beautiful and heartfelt response. Thank you for taking the time to share, especially with such compassion.

[roamingshepherd]

If you ever find yourself anxious about that question… if they’ve ever been an important presence in your life then the answer to where they go is easy: they go with you.

You will carry them with you forever.
At first that feels like an immensely heavy burden. Sometimes it is so heavy and overwhelming that you feel SO MUCH that it seems like you can’t feel anything. You might feel empty, lost or numb. Your brain is trying to protect you from these very big feelings so it shuts them off because it’s too much. It’s ok – your feelings will come back. And the spirit of your friend isn’t gone. It’s more like you’re right in the middle of it. You’re experiencing grief, distress, mourning. Every hour of the process is different. Be kind to yourself.

Eventually you might come to see the weight of your friend that you will carry as a blessing.
The grief and loss of a dear friend, your bright joy, your best buddy, playmate, soulmate, strength, companion, confidante, support, inspiration … It is a huge thing to lose. But you were blessed to have shared some time together. That is a great gift! How lucky you are to have found each other in this life. Of course it’s a tragedy that time is over. But how lucky that your paths ever crossed.

You will never forget them.
Sometimes you will be able to feel them on the wind. Or see echoes of their immense beauty in a sunset or grand landscape. Sometimes you’ll just be washing the dishes, or getting a mug from the cupboard to make tea, or about to open the fridge, or sit down on the couch, and you’ll feel them close as ever! It is ok to cry when you remember they are gone – but remember to laugh at the joy you shared too. Those memories are just as important. Remember the silly things they got up to. Those memories are not gone. Every time you ever spoiled them with treats or pats or cuddles or toys or play… what a gift!

Death and loss are not the end, they’re a change to a new type of relationship you will have with your loved one moving forward. It exists in memory now and in who they helped you to become today and tomorrow.

Take care of the person that your pet loved. They would want you to be safe, happy, healthy, loved and living well. And good on you for being brave enough to open your heart up to another living being and share your life with them. Some people are not so brave and never know a love like yours.

I am sorry for your loss but proud of your ability to be vulnerable and open up your heart and your home to an animal and I hope you find another opportunity to share life, love, friendship and compassion with another pet in the future. Your fallen friend will be with you and live on through that experience too. That is a part of how they have changed you forever.

[zero]

Thanks,
Shes so like a puppy still. as long as shes not blind or suffering I’m happy.

[abc01]

Dear Zero,

My beautiful dog is 14 now and I too have the same fear that she will leave me soon too. I am worried I will not be able to cope with anymore emotions. I believe that is a natural and rational thought, when we have lost a loved one and are struggling with grief and what that means for our lives now. Our quota is already filled to the brim. As suggested, encouraging ourselves to live in the moment with them now and forefill what we what in their lives, as to not have any regrets, is a step moving forward. And something we can focus our attention on. My beloved dog has seen my two cats pass and me crumble before her eyes both times. I need to remind myself that she is alive and to be the person that she and my cats loved still. To pass at an old age is a natural progression in life,but still hurts like hell. You must be an excellent parent to have a 16 year old furry family member.Please look after yourself,
ABC01

[VMPatch]

Hello@zero
It is natural to worry about losing your much loved buddies. The best we can do is try to enjoy the time we have with them. We are here to listen and support you though this forum. As well, you can contact our helpline on 1300 845 745 ( 8am to 8pm) if you want to chat with one of our trained volunteers. Take care of yourself and your buddies.

[zero]

I’ve got 2 other buddies, one is 16. I’m worried about going through this again.

[VM-Jerry1]

Hi Zero,

I am just checking in after the loss of your best mate. It can be so painful to lose a pet that you loved so much and was such an important part of your life. I am glad that you feel supported by the replies to your original post. I hope you are looking after yourself, getting enough rest and keeping up with your meals. Grieving is so different for everyone, some days may be easier or harder than others. Rest assured that you can continue to reach out via this forum or an the helpline 8am to 8pm (AEDT) on 1300 845 745 to chat with a trained volunteer.

Take care

[zero]

Thank you for your empathy.
I’m just not sure what to say right now.

[abc01]

Dear zero,

I am so sorry for the loss of your best mate.
The only thing I can say to you,is that I understand them being there one second and then they are gone the next and your whole world and life changes.
But they don’t go anywhere. They stay with you in your heart, your mind, your soul and your memories.
You never leave them behind as time moves forward. You take them with you as you continue in life. You carry them with you into your new life with them not physically here anymore. Your memories will seem hard to grasp, as you have been living in the moment with them and it will take time to not panic that you will forget them. Because you never will. You will always remember memories of the great moments you have shared together and that has been cemented in time.
Your best mate has changed you throughout your time together and you will continue to be that person that they loved. And carry what they have taught you. Whether it is just to laugh at goofy moments or enjoy an open window while driving in the car, the benefits of a cozy blanket in the winter or the kindness to have met your mate and given them the best life possible.
They go with you, you will see them around out the corner of your eye, you will see them in their favourite places in your home, they will visit you in your dreams and some people believe they will help you find your new furry family member,if and when you are ready.
The pain is so intense because the love you have for your best mate was so beautiful and strong. It still is. The emptiness is real and challenging to face. But that is okay. You have just lost them. It is very raw for you. Please look after yourself and be kind to yourself during this time. You don’t need to have any answers. And crying isn’t a weakness. You are mourning the one you love. It is more than acceptable.
Please know that a true love story never ends and that they will always be the best part of you. And I think that is a pretty good thing to have experienced in this life. I hope having had your best mate in your life will be one of the things you are most proud of when you are old and grey.

I am sorry this is so painful right now, but know that there will be moments where you will smile or laugh at some memory that just pops up in your mind. It does take time, but you will cry less and smile more. But for now, do what you need to do and take it one day at a time.

Your mate was lucky to have you.
ABC01

[Author]

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