Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[lilyc]

Hi there, I recently lost my partner. He was my soulmate even though we had only been together for a year. I felt like I’d known him for a lifetime (he always thought I meant that time moves too slowly when we’re together, but what I actually meant was that I feel like we’ve been together since forever and that we’ve known each other for a lifetime whenever we’re together). He was my other half, my life, and my future. I guess it’s a bit different in that we weren’t married for decades and never had a child together, but it’s the potential and all the future plans we had together that overnight just disappeared – that’s one of the most soul-crushing part for me to have to deal with. And now all of a sudden I have all this space and time that I don’t really know what to do with. I know it’s part of the grieving process, but I guess I’m just hoping to feel less alone in this process and make it easier as I go through it, because right now it feels like I will be stuck here forever. I feel like I have no future anymore.

[VM_Lavender]

Hi @rossgb,

Thank you for reaching out. It makes a lot of sense for you to be having those feelings of guilt or questioning things you should not have said or could have said differently. Especially after 33 years of marriage. I am sure a lot of those feelings and thoughts will come up with so many years together. As you may have already been told or read, it is very common to experience guilt after the loss of a loved one. In terms of suggestions to improve this, this can be difficult to identify because what may help depends on the individual. However, I would suggest to continue reaching out via the online forums where you may find people with similar experiences. There is also the option to speak to the Griefline volunteers on the helpline for a supportive chat 7 days a week 9am to 8pm AEST 1300 845 745. You could also consider speaking to a grief counsellor to unpack this guilt, there is a link below. This may or may not be helpful but here is a link to two articles in our resources that may resonate with you, https://griefline.org.au/resources/men-and-grief/ and this article highlights the common experience of guilt in grief https://griefline.org.au/resources/types-of-grief/

Here is also a link to finding a grief counsellor if you are interested https://griefline.org.au/get-help/find-a-counsellor/

Please continue to reach out, we are here to support you in the grief. Take care.

[rossgb]

Hi I’m Ross and I lost my wife of almost 33 years about 2 years ago. Although I think I am coping reasonably well, I find I am constantly thinking of her and also feelings of guilt about things I should have supported more in the past as well as things I should not have said or could have said better. Any suggestions on how to improve this?

[Vm-LilBee13]

Hi @katt, I am sorry for your loss and I am glad you are reaching out. You said you have hit a wall, and I want to remind you to be gentle with yourself. You spent years in a caregiver role, constantly doing for someone else. It can be overwhelming the feeling of emptiness now that the reality of the new normal is setting in. It’s completely okay to not know what to do next. There is no need to force yourself to deal with his belongings, especially because his room is filled with memories. Since you were such close friends, it might be helpful to simply sit in the room and talk to him sometimes. Your relationship and the love and care you shared didn’t end with his passing, it just looks different now. Remind yourself that you can let the process happen at your pace, not society’s.

To support your self-care, I will leave you a resource that is on Griefline website that might be helpful:

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Take care and please know you are not alone.

[VM_Billie20]

Hi @katt, thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. What you’ve written makes complete sense, and I’m really glad you felt able to talk about it here.
It sounds like you carried an incredible amount of love and responsibility over many years. Being your ex-husband’s carer for 25 years, while raising your children together and navigating his illness, is such a profound role to hold. It also sounds like the two of you shared a very deep friendship and connection over those 31 years.Losing someone who has been such a constant presence in your life can leave such a huge space behind. I can really hear how empty the house feels now, and how difficult it is to face things like packing up his belongings. After supporting your children through their grief as well, it’s understandable that you might now be feeling the weight of it all yourself.
The grief rollercoaster you mentioned is something many people recognise too. There can be moments where things feel manageable, followed by waves where the grief feels very present again. Five months can still be a very tender time, especially after sharing so many years together. It also makes a lot of sense that packing up his room feels too hard right now. There’s no right timeline for doing those things, and it’s okay to move at a pace that feels manageable for you.
Please know we are here for you. If you want to talk about your grief and how you are feeling The Griefline Helpline is available from 8am to 8 pm 7 days a week on 1300 845 745. As well you are always invited to keep reaching out on this forum.

[katt]

Hi, I was a Carer for my ex-husband for 25 years. He became disabled after an accident when our children were young. As he had no family, we decided to live in the same home to raise our kids together and I could be his full time Carer. He was diagnosed with a chronic terminal illness a few years later. (cirrhosis of the liver with many complications) In October 2025 he lost his battle and we sadly had to say goodbye.
I have been able to support our now adult kids through this, but 5 months later I have hit a wall. We were very close friends and I am struggling with all that needs doing moving forward. I can’t bring myself to pack up all his belongings in his room. The house is very empty now. I am riding the grief rollercoaster and felt the need to reach out and talk about how I feel and how to deal with what comes next. After being his Carer for so long I now feel lost. He was my best friend, we shared 31 years together.
Wondering how others navigated through their loss.
Hope this makes sense.

[VM-flowerbear07]

Hello there @jankaw,

This must be such a hard time for you after losing your dear husband. Grief from a loss of somebody so close to us can be so incredibly hard to navigate, and anniversaries can make this feel even more challenging than usual. Reaching out is not always easy, though it is so very important to, especially when we are struggling; I am so glad you messaged. Please know we are here for you.

Sending warmth and care.

[VM_JJ]

Hi @jankaw

I’m so sorry about your husband. The first year and anniversary is especially hard. Both your grief and love for him continues at the same time, which is incredibly difficult. I would love to hear more about your husband and some of the memories you hold. If writing is helpful at all, some people find it comforting to write a letter to their loved one or journal some favourite memories. His memory lives on in your heart and you’ll always carry his love, his influence, with you.

Some of my go-to resources when I’m missing my person are these and I hope they might bring you some comfort:

Stephanie’s story: The shape love takes – a widow’s journey through grief, caregiving, and healing

https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-one/ – this one is about focusing on your strengths.

You are resilient, kind and loving. We are thinking of you over this period. Please continue to share here. We are listening to you.

[jankaw]

My name is Janka. It’s going to be a year since my most beloved husband, my life, my everything died. I’d like to find a comfort and support in my deepest grief.

[VMPatch]

Hello @legs
It sounds like you have lost someone you loved dearly and it is natural that you are still feeling that loss and adjusting to being alone. You mentioned that you are concerned about your health and in particular your drinking and smoking. It is very common that we can use these things to help us cope with our grief. It is also good that you are becoming aware that these habits are impacting our health . When you are ready you can talk with your GP and/or ring the Drug and Alcohol Counselling Service in your state. Information is in the link below .
https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/
In the meantime I encourage you to keep reaching out for support . If you want to talk about your grief and how you are feeling The Griefline Helpline is available from 8am to 8 pm 7 days a week on 1300 845 745.
As well you are invited to keep reaching out on this forum.

[Author]

Replies