Loss of a pet

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a pet animal.

For many, the loss of a pet can mirror the grief experienced when we lose a family member. The bonds we make with animals can provide us with joy, pleasure and companionship, and when they die, we can be left feeling deep sadness, isolation and loneliness.

People around us may not associate grief and loss with the passing of a pet and assume you won’t be affected or at least, not for long. This can result in feelings of hurt, anger and resentment and sometimes leads to withdrawal.

This forum is a space to freely reminisce about your pet, share your feelings of grief, discuss its effects on your relationships, and share coping strategies that have helped.

Topic

[vm watersoul]

Hi @coxy967,
Thank you for sharing, your not alone. I understand how saying goodbye to a furry family member after years of love and care is absolutely heartbreaking. Dogs are family members and hold such a significant place in our hearts and homes. Grieving our pets is not linear and the timing is entirely individual for every family. For me, just hearing that you feel ready to open your home and heart to a new puppy may not mean you won’t miss Harley, yet it may also mean your capacity to love and nurture remains, even with his loss. It seems to me that you and your family may be using all the experience and heart Harley helped you develop over your 14 years and 6 months on a new puppy is a beautiful tribute to him, whenever you feel its the right time. Watersoul x

I’ve linked a article that my be helpful resources to Loosing a Pet

[coxy967]

I lost my dog last month after 14 years and 6 months. My family were aware of his age and one day would be hard to say goodbye, but he collapsed at home and never fully recovered consciousness. He was put down by our local vet in the most caring and supportive way.

It has been a month now, and I feel like I’m ready to bring a new dog into my family to fill the void that Harley left but I feel guilty that we haven’t grieved for long enough.

A new dog won’t be ‘replacing’ Harley as he was my first dog. But I think a new puppy will bring back the energy to our house and allow my kids to move on and make a new connection

I have already contacted a puppy breeder and the puppy would be ready by the end of November which would be almost 2 months to the day that Harley passed away

My only hesitation is am I moving on too quickly?

[VM-Fern]

Hi @etta and thanks for posting such a heartfelt message. I think the short answer to your question is that you are not going crazy, even if it might feel like that from time to time. When a beloved pet is lost it is very normal to feel shattered and guilty, as though you didn’t do enough, you should have done more, and so on. The sorts of thoughts that crop up in our head (not that we want them) but are not shared by anyone else who knows how you are feeling and what you are going through. It is also very common for hearing and seeing things that aren’t there, like whimpers or “seeing” her around a corner, or waiting for her to appear. It’s part of our wanting our beloved pet to be back with us. It sounds like having her bed in your room is providing comfort for you, so that definitely isn’t crazy. People grieve in their own ways – some people might want their pet’s bed removed as it provides too many painful memories. Others are like you. There isn’t any right way to grieve and it is important for you to do whatever feels right for you to help cope with your big loss. Lots of caring thoughts coming your way.

[etta]

Hi, I’ve recently lost my fur baby of 14 years. Molly was deaf, going blind, had dementia, arthritis in her spine, skin and stomach issues for which she had for many many years. The last few months we’ve noticed her declining. She no longer wanted to interact with family, all she wanted to do was sleep. The last week we had a vet come over to assess her as she didn’t want to eat and drink. After some discussion we agreed to try anti inflammatory medication to help. We had a couple of good days where I was filled with hope that our Molly still has more time with us, that was until Monday when she didn’t want to eat again. She began to whimper, more startled and refused to go near her bowl as if she wanted to eat but had forgotten or in too much pain. We made the decision to put her to sleep on Tuesday. I’m not coping at all. My heart is shattered, I feel guilty, I want her back home. I keep hearing a whimper from time to time. I’m waiting to see her walk around the corner. I have her bed in my room as I feel that if she visits she’ll be with me. Am I crazy for thinking and doing this. Sorry for the long post.

[VM-angel33]

Dear @rb64228
I am truly so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. It’s so difficult when the pet has grown up with you, like yours did. It’s okay to feel like there is no silver lining or lesson, it’s a really difficult thing to go through 🙁 It’s a common thing to feel guilt and sadness and trying not to enjoy things because they aren’t with you. I hope you receive support to work through this difficult time.
Please feel free to reach out to our helpline 8am-8pm or continue to use our forums. Wishing you all the best.

Regards
VM-angel33

[vmrose33]

Dear abc01

Thank you for taking the time to post here; I appreciate your thoughtful comments, responses and reminders and the time and care you have for others as well as sharing your experience.

vmrose33

[abc01]

Dear All,
I sincerely hope you are all travelling well in your journey of loss. Losing our loved ones is so hard. There is no right or wrong way. Just take everyday as it comes.
ABC01

[vmrose33]

Hi Jason

I appreciate you sharing this here. Yes it can feel unbearable and the loss devastating. Also, despite pain and grief remaining to some extent we can eventually find some space for new memories, and more love and healing can grow in that space.

The puppies sound adorable and like they brought a spark of joy.

Kind regards
vmrose33

[jason44]

Losing a pet is heartbreaking—it’s like losing a piece of your soul. I remember when my dog passed, the silence was unbearable. But seeing German Shepherd Puppies later reminded me that love and companionship continue. The pain never fully fades, but new memories help heal, even if the loss remains.

[abc01]

Dear @carysporter,

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Felix. I too lost my cat in May this year. He was attacked by my neighbours dogs,who had dug under our fence. I found him but he had already passed. I too wasn’t home at the time and blame myself for what has happened,even though I wasn’t the one who let him outside that day and others were at home. We followed council laws to keep him in our property and he was never introduced to the front yard,only the back.He was only 3 1/2 years old. To me it was just another normal day and I had no way of knowing that this would happen. He grew up with our dogs and had no reason to fear others. I never fathomed that the threat would come from next door as for 2 years,we had been okay. And now, the world isn’t a safe place for me and my animals. I have never lost an animal to anything but old age related illnesses.

I am here. I feel your grief. I believe you and I would be feeling similar thoughts and feelings and will still be in shock from the trauma of what we both confronted on those days that our fur babies passed.

I have my dogs,but they are not him. I have been robbed of the rest of his life,but the most important, is that my cat,Major, has been robbed of his. I was so happy everyday, living in the moment with him. I felt every second of love and affection and he was the purest form of love I have ever felt in my whole life. And now, I am devastated, beyond devastated. My life has slammed to a holt and everyday is a type of torture.

I don’t know about you, but finding resources for unexpected deaths and animals who have been taken from us and at a young age are really hard to find. However at least we have found this outlet to talk and we should keep using it to talk. Sometimes only one sentence might get through to us, but it is one coping skill we have just gained.

Guilt is a massive cloud that looms over our heads. It Slips in every thought and action we do now they aren’t here with us. If gives us fear and panic, and ultimately self hate. But please remember one thing, You loved Felix more then anyone on this entire planet and would never do anything that would have caused him harm intentionally. You simply wouldn’t have done it,period. So blaming yourself for the day it happened and everything you should have done or could have done,isn’t healthy or right. It wasn’t your fault. Tormenting yourself isn’t okay. It sucks so much,that we have the knowledge now of that day and would give anything to change the outcome of it. But the torturous reality is that we can’t. We will carry it forever. However over time the specifics of that moment the world crashed down on us will start to become blurrier and we will remember only bits and pieces. My cat Lewis,passed at 14 1/2 in 2020, at the veterinary clinic due to heart failure and it was sudden. But I only now, remember him not doing great in my arms and then being given the needle and passing in my arms. I now don’t recall every single moment of it. It is still upsetting, but I am proud of myself for overcoming the overwhelming feelings I was having at that time and being the comfort, love and presence that HE needed in those moments. Hopefully one day, you may come to view it similarly. When you are ready.

Today is today. Take it as it comes. Try not to make any big decisions when you are still in shock and grief. Try not to look too far into the future. Express your emotions. Cry when you need to and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed by it. If you are in public,who cares? No one is walking in your shoes today. Don’t have any answers or direction? That is fine, neither do I. And most importantly, don’t let anyone undermine your grief. I raised my beautiful cat as if he is my child. I loved,nurtured and raised him from the second he came into my life and home. You did too. That isn’t something to easily “get over” or “move on”. It isn’t “replaceable” and I promise you, you will never forget them.

I too got my cat cremated and now he is in my room with me. His favourite place in our home. Sometimes I kiss it and it makes me feel better. Sometimes it makes me sad. But if I keep it clean and polished I feel a sense of respect towards him. I can keep him safe in my room,and it sometimes provides the “enduring connection” I have read up on. His photo is on my wall. I sometimes talk to it and kiss it too. But nothing stops me seeing him where he would be in my house, his favourite places. Nothing stops me from missing feeding him, changing the kitty litter and OUR routine together. These are called Secondary Losses. The things/daily routines we lose after the death of a loved one. And it is normal.

We only feel this grief at the level we do because we love them beyond compare. We love them today. That love can never stop or get lesser. Our fur babies are the best thing we will ever do in our entire lives. We give them a home, we give them unconditional love and we give them our hearts and souls. And they give them to us equally.

So please let Felix’s LIGHT, still be your LIGHT amongst this darkness that you feel. Lean into Felix’s love and the ways he has shaped you into the person you are today and continue to be because of him. Remember that your cat who is in your home is still there and needs your incredible love. They have lost their family member too.

But never forget your thoughts,feeling and emotions (one second to the next. And believe me, I know they cycle so fast from one to another in just seconds and can be exhausting) are 100% valid for you. Today, tomorrow, 4 months from now, 4 years from now.

Please reply back if you want to about anything. Otherwise please be kind to yourself and I am so sorry.
ABC01

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