Unable to love

[ilovchat]

I’m just having trouble to get and receive love Is that part of grief

Topic

[vm_hedgehogg]

Hi,

Grief likely affects our belief and capacity to love and trust, though its influence depends on the nature of the loss and grief. @ABC01 has generously shared their experience of re-learning how to rebuild trust and love after losing a pet. I shared a similar experience after the loss of a close relationship. For me, even though trust is the foundation of love, trusting in others and the enduring nature of the relationship takes time. Re-learning how to love and express such trust in a way that feels “true” to me after experiencing grief also takes some patience. While the journey is personal and non-linear, the Griefline website offers many resources that can be a good starting point for exploring different types of grief and how we can care for ourselves as we navigate the journey. An example of such resources is: https://griefline.org.au/resources/relationship-loss/

As many others have noted, if and when you want to chat with someone to explore your experience further, please call our helpline on 1300 845 745. We are available from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. (AEST), 7 days per week.

Meanwhile, take care and all the very best.

[abc01]

Dear ilovchat,

I am not sure what type of grief you are going through and won’t be pushy for an answer either.
I lost my beloved cat 7 weeks ago to a tragic accident and my whole world flipped on its head. I live with other animals, dogs.
The reason I have mentioned it, is that I have experienced days where I can’t feel the connection with them, even though I have lived and loved them for 13 years already. Some days I look at their faces and make eye connect and I just can’t feel the joy from that connection. I know I love them, but I just can’t feel it in that moment in time. I think I am broken at those times. How could I possibly not feel it. They are my biggest loves and joys of my life.
Then the next day, the feeling is back when we make eye contact again. I feel the love and the connection. I feel our day is “normal” again.
However,the love isn’t at a high level it used to be. I believe it maybe because I am afraid to lose them to death too. I believe it is because of the trauma I have just experienced with my cat. If I love them at the level I used to, the pain of losing them is going to be too much to bear. Love right now brings me fear and anxiety.
Sometimes I also believe my mind is simply too overwhelmed with all the thoughts that grief brings from moment to moment. I am not functioning at the level I used to be able to before his passing. Emotionally, mentally and physically my mind and body are just trying to get through.

I don’t believe you are unable to love or be loved. I do agree with you about it being similar to building up trust. Grief knocks our confidence. It changes our world. We have to expose ourselves to life again,tiny steps,by tiny steps and re-grow our confidence. And with grief,we also have to lower our expectations of others. It sounds as if it should be the opposite,but alot of people don’t know what to do or say to someone experiencing grief. From day-to-day, week-to-week our thoughts and feelings slightly shift in our state of grief. Love will return to you. Because most of us don’t grieve if we haven’t loved what we have lost so greatly.

It is my own opinion love is grown emotionally, and trust is experienced practically/physically. We gain trust after repeatably being shown the same thing, in the outcome we desire. You learn to trust something,and then affection can form from that trust and security. Affection grows into love. Love and trust go together.
Grief has many stages and where you are today,you may not be tomorrow. You have to go through the full process of grief. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you can’t feel something,no matter how hard you try or fixate on it. Love is probably already there and you just can’t identify it yet. It just may be quieter then the rest of the emotions you can hear or feel.

Please look after yourself and remember to be kind to yourself. Keep exploring and researching how you are feeling in your grief.
All the best,
ABC01

[ilovchat]

Thank you for the confirmation Is building up love is similar as building up trust? Does love and trust group together when people experience grief? How are trust and love similar and different?

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @ilovchat
Grief is a process that is not linear, nor is there one ‘good’ or ‘bad’ way to experience grief. It can feel tough at times to deliver love to others when you are experiencing grief. In this time, be gracious to yourself as you navigate your way through.

We can get caught up in grief so that we neglect to take care of ourselves, and therefore may not connect with others. If you relate to this sentiment, then perhaps the Griefline self-care resources online would be of use to you. Self-care is a positive way to channel our feelings into grounding and mindful practices – even with something as simple as taking a short walk in the sunshine.
Take care, and please feel free to communicate more with Griefline’s forums, or even the phone line. You are brave for taking this first step.

[VM-rose]

Hello @ilovechat, thank you so much for reaching out to Griefline. As mentioned by @VM-The Old Oak Tree, the way you are feeling is completely natural. Grief is a personal and unique experience for every individual and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. As @VM_sunni stated, it takes awareness and courage to reach out and ask for help. Again, here is the link for the Griefline resources page: https://griefline.org.au/resources. You can also continue to connect with others by using the Griefline forum. It’s so important during this incredibly difficult time to connect with others who are going through grief and loss. You’ve taken a courageous first step by reaching out to Griefline. We’re here to listen and support you.

[VM_sunni]

Hello Ilovechat. Grief and loss can impact everyone differently but certainly feeling numb and unable to connect can be part of someone’s experience. It takes awareness and courage to reach out when your feeling that way, and its great that you’ve found this forum and shared your question here. Perhaps it might support you to check out some of the resources on the Griefline website (https://griefline.org.au/get-help/fact-sheets/) to learn more about grief and what’s a normal part of the process? If you find it easier to chat to someone, as The Old Oak Tree suggested, the Helpline is also available and the volunteers are really compassionate and knowledgable. And of course, if you’d like to keep sharing here on the forum, we’d love to keep chatting to you. Take care.

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Hi Ilovchat,

I hope you are doing ok. Yes there are all sorts of symptoms of grief which can present
including changes in how you feel about giving and receiving love. These sort of things are normal
and to be expected when grieving.

You are welcome to call our caring Helpline on 1300 845 745. We are available between the
hours of 8am to 8pm (AEST), 7 days per week. We also have many articles and resources related to grief
which you can access here https://griefline.org.au/resources/. These resources cover many things related
to grief and loss.

Please feel free to further engage with our online forums. We are here for you and would love
to share with you if you wish. Warm Regards.

[Author]

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