Seperation

[trenabeth]

Hi

I’ve very recently seperated from my husband after finding out he was cheating on me

How do you get through this
Is there anybody willing to chat who has gone through this

Thank you

Topic

[VM_blackbird]

Hi trenabeth,

It’s been a while now since you first posted so just reaching out to say hi, and wondering if you’d like to share anything about your journey (up to you, of course)? Infidelity and separation can be so devastating but also difficult to talk about.

As VM-Selazni has commented, it can be so challenging to our sense of self when someone lets us down or breaks the sense of trust we have in them and I’ve had a similar experience. It can be so hard to withdraw our energy from that other person and the life we imagined with them, in order to reinvest in ourselves or something or someone new. It took me a long time to feel “normal” again, and some days were harder than others (and still are from time to time).

We’re always here on the forums, and also on the phone lines as VMToby has mentioned, if you feel like chatting 🙂

[VM-Selazni]

Hi trenabeth,

It’s been some time now since your original post and I do hope that you’re going well. I can only imagine how you must’ve been feeling after discovering your husband’s infidelity and then going through the painful process of separation. As VMToby has commented, well done on reaching out. It can be so difficult even to talk about these things when going through what was probably a torrent of conflicting emotions (grief, anger, sadness, remorse). I know that when I found out about my (now) ex-partner’s infidelity it was one of the most challenging times of my life. I found that it challenged my very sense of self and I had to almost reconstruct who I was following the experience. As well, I had to process the grief of the loss of the “imagined future” that was still very clear in my mind before the infidelity. I wish that I could say that it was easy – it wasn’t.
Time has eased the pain from the experience. Additionally, when I feel caught up in thoughts of my ex these days, and the wave of powerful emotions that accompany that, I use mindfulness techniques to place myself back in the ‘now’ where life is much better. Usually I take a deep, steadying breath and then blow it all out. I imagine that these thoughts of my ex are like a morning mist that fades into the ether. Usually that helps me but I’m sure that there will be things which work well for you.

As mentioned by VMToby, though, feel free to explore the Griefline resources to get ideas for what may work for you. Good luck, trenabeth.

[VMToby]

Hello there,

I am so sorry to learn you are going through a separation and the added betrayal of an affair.
How devastating for you.
I admire your courage in reaching out to our forum at such a difficult time in your life.

You asked how do you get through this? It is not easy and initally it can be a minute/hour by hour approach and later on a day/ week approach.
Everyone works through this so differently and there is no one way.

At griefline we have a website that has information on how one can manage their grief and loss if you are not up to talking to someone.
Also you have reached out in our forum and others will respond too.
If you would like to talk with someone we are available 7 days a week 8am -8pm AEST and AEDT time.The number is 1300 845 745.

Please take care of you.You matter.

[Author]

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