Mum passing last year after Mother’s Day.

[ashb]

Wanted to know if anyone has gone through losing their Mum through years of illness and being there with them on their last breath?
She passed the day after Mother’s Day in the hospital.
I struggle with my grief and wanting to know if she is around me as I don’t hear her or see her.
I struggle with the images of her passing.
Dealing with feeling alone, sad, my body is stressed.
Would love to know what helps others move through it all?

Topic

[VM-Kenny]

Hi @ashb, thank you so much for sharing with us. As VM-flowerbear07 said, it takes real courage to reach out, share, and have these conversations.

I can hear how the pain and grief at losing your Mum after Mother’s Day is so very real and tender for you right now. And I want to acknowledge that you might have a whole range of understandably complicated feelings about your experience of being with her at her last breath. I am sure your Mum felt your deep love and care during those moments, and it takes great strength to be there for a loved one in the way you were for your Mum. The bravery you showed being there for her is immense. At the same time, it sounds like the images of her passing continue to be a real struggle for you.

You mentioned feeling alone – is there anyone in your life who you feel close to and might be able to connect and share with? You might even choose to be around them and not talk about your grief, that can be an incredibly supportive experience and feeling too, just to be in someone else’s presence. Regardless of whether you have someone around to connect with or not, we are always here for you and you are welcome to call the helpline to have a chat. You don’t need to be alone in your grief, we’re here to support you.

I also want to acknowledge that the images of your Mum passing sound difficult. If you find these are causing you distress and you’d like some extra support, there is a Griefline resource on finding a grief counsellor that might be able to assist: https://griefline.org.au/get-help/find-a-counsellor/ Additionally, you might find some of the mindfulness exercises on Griefline’s website useful as well: https://griefline.org.au/resources/mindfulness-for-grief/ These can be useful especially if you are finding your body is stressed in any way.

If you feel up to sharing a little more here with us in the forums, it sounds like your Mum played a really important part in your life. Please feel free to share a bit about your Mum, and what she meant to you, if that feels right to you. Thanks for being part of this community and sharing with us so far. We’re all here for you.

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @ashb,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.
Being with her through years of illness and then at the end of her life is an incredibly profound experience, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling grief, loneliness, and stress right now. Many people who’ve gone through something similar share that the images of their loved one’s passing can stay with them, and it takes time and care to soften those memories.
It’s natural to want to feel her presence and wonder if she’s still around you. Even if you don’t hear or see her, the bond you shared is still there for you. Some people find it helpful to re-connect through rituals or activities like creating a memorial space, doing an activity that they used to enjoy with the person, or even something as simple as making a photo album of happy memories that you can connect you the person again.
Its great that you have reached out to the community here, as there will be others who relate to what your going through, and you don’t need to do this alone.

Some people find grounding activities like gentle breathing, walking in nature, or journaling to be helpful in calming the body when grief feels like it’s too much.
Everyone’s journey with grief is unique, and there’s no “right” way to move through it.
What matters most is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel and reaching out for support when you need it.

There are a couple of resources on the Griefline.org.au website that might be helpful when you feel ready, I have popped the links below and of course our friendly volunteers are available on our helpline Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT)if you would like to talk anything through.

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

[vmv_68]

Hi @ashb,

Thank you so much for reaching out, and my deepest condolences for the loss of your mum. Even when we know this loss is coming, it can still feel deeply shocking when it actually happens.

Many people experience vivid or intrusive memories during grief, and what you’re describing is a very common response. It can feel unsettling, but it’s also part of how our minds try to process such a profound change. You’re not alone in this experience.

If it feels helpful, you’re welcome to explore what your current triggers are bringing up for you, and what might support you best right now. Some people find it useful to gently check in with themselves about their needs, especially during moments when things feel more intense.

Looking after both your body and mind during this time can be supportive in small, everyday ways. I’ll leave a resource here that you may wish to explore when you’re ready:
https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-self-care-guide/

For some people, the physical absence of a loved one can feel particularly painful. One approach that helps some is gradually finding new ways to maintain a sense of connection, for example, speaking to them internally, noticing moments where “they would have liked this,” or sharing small everyday thoughts. Others prefer more tangible rituals, such as lighting a candle, tending a plant, or keeping a photo or object that holds meaning.

Having supportive people around you can also make a difference during this time, so I hope you’re able to reach out to someone you trust when you feel able. Please also remember that Griefline is here to hold space, whether through the forum or by phone, whenever you’d like to connect with someone about what you’re going through.

Reaching out today is already a meaningful step in processing your grief, and I want to commend you for that.

[VM-flowerbear07]

Dear @ashb,

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Mum. It sounds like it has been a really difficult time for you. Whilst myself I have not experienced this specifically; I want you to know there is a whole community here of people who are going through it, going through the grief, one way or another. I cannot compare my own experiences to your loss of your Mum, but what I do know is that what you are feeling, though agonising, is normal. When we feel this deep grief, it shows up in our bodies; for you, your body is stressed. It is more important than ever for you that you are patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself. This includes self-care. This can mean different things for different people, but a fundamental aspect of it is good sleep, and proper nutrition. Reaching out to those around you and finding connection can be a massive support, so I would like to point out how courageous it was of you to share with us your experience. Keep reaching out; utilise our forums, or feel free to call our helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am-8pm AEST).

[Author]

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