Lost my dear grandma but cannot be with my family

[annapink23]

My darling grandma who was everything to me passed away last week. I am from Ireland so I haven’t seen her in a few months, however have a trip planned in June. In our last conversation we spoke about how excited we were to see each other in June but sadly that was not to be.
I am struggling with this immense and overwhelming grief for the first time in my life. It’s a struggle to do anything. I don’t want to do anything I found joy in before. My partner has been very supportive however I am lonely as my parents are back in Ireland and although we speak twice a day, I feel sad I am not with them and am missing the funeral. I feel guilty I should be at home however the journey is so long and my parents put me off coming back as I’m coming in June…

I can’t seem to see any light in this dark dark time. I feel hopeless and lonely.

• This topic was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by annapink23.

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[VMsunflower]

Dear annapink23
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your darling grandma and the overwhelming grief you are feeling, and the struggle you are having with being so far away from your family.
Thank you for reaching out on this forum, it takes courage to share, and I hope it helps you to share your grief and hear from others experiencing similar losses.
The loss of one so dear to you can be devastating and even debilitating and I am pleased to hear that your partner is being supportive and that you are able to be in regular contact with your family in Ireland.
I would encourage you to call the Grief line helpline and share your feelings of hopelessness and loneliness with one of the qualified volunteers who are very capable and willing to sit with you during your journey.
Sending love and hugs, you are not alone.

[vmpercy]

Hi @annapink23,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear grandma. It’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed and lonely when you’re so far away from your family during such a difficult time. I can personally relate to that feeling, as I spent some time overseas and felt the distance from my family during tough moments as well.

Your grief is valid, and it’s important to know that you’re not alone in this journey. The Griefline community is here to support you, and we appreciate you sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to reach out, and I hope it helps to know that you’re part of a network that genuinely cares.

Being away from your family and missing the funeral is undoubtedly hard, but remember that your love for your grandma is not defined by your physical presence. How do you think you can honor your grandma’s memory from where you are now? Maybe you could find a special way to connect with your family during this time, even if it’s just through a shared virtual moment.

Take it one day at a time, and remember that we’re all here for you. Your feelings are valid, and this community is a safe space for you to share and find support.

[vmzef]

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when you are so far away and unable to be there for the funeral. It can be very difficult to process grief from a distance and it may take time to come to terms with it. Grief can often make us feel lonely, helpless and hopeless, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. We are all here for you, so please reach out to griefline when if you need to talk more about your grief. Additionally, there are some resources available on grefline.org.au that might be helpful to cope with your feelings of grief.

[VM-mimrose]

Dear annapink23,

How are you doing now?

I was really moved to read your post, as I was really close to my grandma too and losing her in 2014 was also my first experience of grief. I describe her as one of the loves of my life. I couldn’t believe how painful and overwhelming the grief was. It took a long time for me to recover and I still feel the heartbreak today when I think of the last conversation we had and the hope we had of seeing each other again, and how I felt when my mum rang to tell me that my grandma had died. At the time, I put a lot of pressure on myself, wondering when it would end and when I would feel better.

What I would say is right now it’s very early, as the previous commenters have said it is completely OK and normal to feel how you are feeling. I went to some grief counselling sessions after about a year, and I’ve kept reading and learning about grief since then. Some of most helpful things I’ve taken with me are:
– there is no timeline for grief, no right or wrong way to feel it.
– grief doesn’t ever leave us or get smaller, it stays with us but our lives grow and change and get bigger around it over time.
– I learnt that neurologically, when we are stressed and upset, the part of our brain that perceives time gets overwhelmed and doesn’t work so well, which could be part of the reason why we feel we can’t see a future or a way out.
– the size of our grief reflects the size of our love for the person we’ve lost.
– to be kind to myself! notice each day how I am feeling, almost like looking at the weather forecast, and treat myself accordingly. Just like if I saw it was going to be a cold, miserable day, if I sense that today the weather in my head is miserable, I might put on a cozy jumper, make myself a cup of tea, organise something that I know is going to make me feel a bit better like a chat with a friend.

My relationship with my grandma was one of the greatest gifts of my life, and in a way this hasn’t ended after her death, but it has changed. My experience of the grieving end of love has enriched my appreciation and understanding of love and of life, deepened my friendships with those who have also experienced the death of someone they love, and even led to some of my most creative experiences. For me it is a great source of comfort that just because my grandma isn’t here anymore, that doesn’t mean all the times we had together don’t exist anymore. They are still there and nothing can take them away.

I really hope you keep doing what you are doing – reaching out here, speaking to your family, leaning on your partner. Perhaps you could go home before June, if it is feasible and if that is what your heart is telling you to do.

[Author]

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