Loss of my son

[Hollyhooha]

Hi
18 months ago I lost my son to an aeortic aneurysm. He was 36. He had been with me my entire adult life having given birth to him when I just turned 20 and being a single parent to him for the first 13 years of his life. Whilst my life moves on, I feel it has somewhat changed without him. We never had a day where we didn’t text of phone each other. My son Ben had Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD, so he struggled with life. He was just turning the corner and working himself out, when he just suddenly died whilst at his home watching tv. I feel guilty for not being with him even though I have been assured I couldn’t have done anything to save him. I know in my heart that I probably couldn’t have helped him physically, but I could have held his hand so he didn’t die alone. I struggle so much with this. My husband (my sons step dad) doesn’t offer support and appears quite detached from it. I think that with Covid and lockdowns etc I feel like I have been trying to deal with this on my own as I couldn’t get the support I needed for myself. For the most part I’m ok, but there are moments where I don’t know how to continue with things. I miss him so very much. Both of my parents are deceased, so I can’t go to them for support either. Any advice on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

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[GL friend]

@Hollyhooha, im so sorry for your loss. it sounds like you and your son have some very special memories together. whilst you know in your heart that you couldnt have helped your son physically, you feel your presence, just being there with him might have helped.

perhaps reflecting on some of those special moments will bring comfort. connecting with your sons memories in a different way such as writing a letter or cooking his favourite meal. maybe donating or volunteering for a cause that might be dear to him. we are here to listen and support in ways that we can.

[Author]

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