Loss of my Dad

[hjb142]

My Dad passed away a month ago on the 24th. I’m not coping and I don’t know what to do. He was 53. I’m only 23. I know it’s not usually expected but he had been getting better. He was on his medications for years at this point. I spent the first two years of his illness mourning and was finally at a point I thought he’d live, nearly 5 years later. And now he is no longer with us. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t hug him tight enough. I didn’t appreciate what I had enough. We just woke up, I went about my day and got the news that afternoon. Everything’s been somewhat blurry since. I had so much support, but I don’t want that. I mean I do, it’s nice but.. I’d rather just have my dad back. The funeral was beautiful. But I’d rather have my dad back. Everything’s been going downhill since. I feel like I should have loved him more. I was going to call him the day prior but got too tired to. I keep dreaming but since that day, I can’t even see him in my dreams. It’s like this big hole. There’s no closure and no last conversation. No goodbye hug. Nothing. He’s just gone.

Topic

[VM_ddd]

Dear hjb142,

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing a father is devastating, but losing him so suddenly, when you thought he was getting better, must feel completely unbearable. There’s no way to prepare for something like this, and I can only imagine the whirlwind of emotions you’re experiencing right now.

It’s so understandable to wish for just one more moment with him, a tighter hug, a longer conversation, a proper goodbye. Grief is full of ‘what-ifs’ and ‘if onlys,’ and they can be so heavy to carry. But please know this: the love you had for your dad wasn’t measured by a single moment. It was in all the days, all the years, and all the memories you shared. He knew he was loved, just as you know how much he meant to you.

I hear how much you’re struggling, how everything feels like it’s falling apart, and how hard it is to find meaning in this new reality without him. Please be gentle with yourself, grief isn’t something to ‘cope with’ or ‘get over’; it’s something we learn to carry, even when it feels impossible.

I know that support doesn’t feel like enough right now because what you truly want is your dad back. But you don’t have to carry this alone. Keep sharing, keep reaching out, and know that your grief is welcome here. You are not alone.

[VM-alithos11]

Hi hjb142,

A little over a month has passed since your last post, and i pray the dial has slightly moved for you with regards to your grief. I can personally relate to having lost a beloved dad and how everything felt like it was going downhill since.
Being a dad myself, I know my daughter loves me dearly so rest assured that he most likely felt loved enough by you. It doesn’t help when we allow ourselves to get stuck in what we did or could have done. We cannot know and loved ones know that and forgive us in their hearts.
Dreams are also near impossible to plan, even when we hold onto our lost ones tightly. If there’s something he’ll want to let you know, have faith he will come through in our dreams, our random thoughts or coincidences. I find this occurs to me often.

You’re right though, the loss can feel like a big hole and don’t let anybody try to talk you into believing otherwise.

Please know that you can call Griefline to speak to one of the volunteers on 1300845745

You’ve shown such courage just getting through the pain of bereavement and should take assurance in your great strength so far.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by VM-alithos11.

[VM-stel18]

Hello hjb142. I’ve just read your post and noticed that was 6 days ago. I’m wondering how you are. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. You are young and I wish you had more time with him. I imagine you are very much on the rollercoaster of grief and the various emotions grief can involve. There are no right or wrong ways to feel. Unfortunately guilt and regret, thinking you “should have done more” are common reactions, but you weren’t to know when your dad would die and when to call him. You’ll be able to acknowledge that as you process your grief more. It’s good that you connected with the Griefline community online. Please post again if that helps you and please know that you can call Griefline to speak to one of the volunteers on 1300845745. There’s also the website https:/griefline.org.au which has a number of articles and handouts you can read that might help you navigate this difficult time. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, if you are back online to see this, that I am thinking of you. Take care and keep talking with your loved ones and with the Griefline community.

[VM-didimoll]

So very sorry for your loss, hjb142. The death of a parent can be so hard under any circumstance, and more so when it’s unexpected. It must’ve been incredibly difficult for you over the last few years to see what your dad was going through. When confronted with a loss of this magnitude we are bound to undergo a whole array of challenging emotions as you are. It’s still early days and hard as it is, it would be helpful to give yourself the space to feel those emotions and process the loss. By posting here you have taken a significant step towards this – well done for that.

I’m glad you feel well supported but in case you want to have a chat with one of our compassionate telephone counsellors, do give us a call on 1300 845 745 (8 am to 8 pm – AEST). We all have different ways of coping and sharing is an important one. I’d therefore encourage you to keep engaging with the forum members, as that connection with people who’ve been through similar experiences can be comforting. Meanwhile, please don’t ignore to take care of yourself in this difficult time – some practical tips here https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-self-care-guide/

[Author]

Replies