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Loss mum and now feel terribly lonely and scared

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Loss mum and now feel terribly lonely and scared

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #26855
    lin01
    Participant

    Hi there, my name is Lin and recently joined this griefline forum.

    1 week ago, my mother passed away suddenly due to coronary heart disease. She was 70 yo. I was really devastated, upset, stressed, scared and did not know what to do. I have been best friends with my mum since I was a kid, now 37 years of age. I am embarrassed to admit it but I have been very dependant on my mother all my life. She cared for me, guided me and protected me. In turn, I always accompanied her everywhere and supported her. We live alone together.

    Her sudden death has left me feeling depressed, very scared and alone. These feelings intensify at night. Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who can help me. I am pretty much on my own. I am partly to blame for this because I have never been very social and always depended on my mother for support. With her now gone, I don’t know how to overcome this.

    I hope someone here can give me some advice as to how to tackle the feelings of being very scared and alone with no one to turn to?

    Thank you in advance!

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 14 total)
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  • #26857
    VM-Love4
    Participant

    Hi Lin,

    I’m so deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, and I truly appreciate your courage in reaching out here.

    It’s clear that you and your mother shared a very close and significant bond, I want you to know that it’s completely natural for you to feel overwhelmed and scared after losing someone who played such an important role in your life for so long. It’s absolutely not your fault for depending on your mother for support; it’s a testament to the strong bond and love you shared ❤️ Grief is a complex and individual journey, and it’s okay to feel the way you do.

    I understand you’re feeling alone right now, please know you can call the helpline at Griefline on 1300 845 745 (available 8 am to 8 pm, 7 days a week) or book a call to speak to a trained volunteer to talk about all that you need to! We’re here to listen and support you. Also, I know that your emotions worsen at night, in which case Lifeline is a 24 hour support line that you can call at 13 11 14 whenever you’re feeling afraid.

    Remember that healing from grief takes time, and it’s a unique process for each person. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate these difficult emotions. Lean on the community here who have faced similar feelings and are here to offer you comfort and guidance. You’re taking a positive step by reaching out, and there are people here who care about your well-being.

    Wishing you strength and comfort during this challenging time. Feel free to share more here, and the community will be here to support you ❤️

    #26858
    VM-bluesky
    Participant

    Hi Lin, its normal to feel alone and its such a short time after the loss of your mother. As VM-Love4 said so well, there is a community here to help you on your grief journey as you adapt to your new world over time. Later you may find some of the Resources on the Griefline website helpful, and Support Groups help you connect to others in a similar situation. For now, just focus on the basics of EAST – Eat healthily, try to get some Activity into your day (even the most basic routine), try to get good Sleep and make Time to connect with people (even online here).

    You don’t have to go through this alone!

    #26859
    lin01
    Participant

    Thank you both for your replies. It’s much appreciated. I have decided to attend church to see if there is anyone there who can offer some support. I also encourage others to do so if they are in a similar situation to me.

    I appreciate the availability of free resources and helplines like Beyond Blue and Griefline as they play an important role in society too.

    #26866
    mars
    Participant

    hello lin

    ive recently lost my mum too, and I feel isolated too. not a lot of friends and family aroune. I feel like i will never get through these empty days. i hope you are managing. It’s very hard.

    hugs and best wishes.

    #26867
    lin01
    Participant

    Hi Mars, thanks for sharing your story too.

    I do agree and empathise with how you feel. Despite reaching out for support through church and some free grievance counselling, I still miss my mum terribly and don’t know how to move on without her.

    Sometimes I wonder why she had to die so early and leave me behind? What is God’s plan for me? It’s an awfully long road ahead in life without my mum.

    I miss her and love her very much.

    #26861
    VM_MilkyStars_
    Participant

    Hi Lin,

    I appreciate your effort to reach out at such a painful time in your life. Given how close you were to your mother, it is only understandable that you are undergoing the grief you are going through.

    Grief is quite complex and multi layered. On some days it is normal to feel the need for that support which helps you navigate your emotions.

    Griefline has a support group program in February. Here is the link for the expression of interest. It is an online bereavement support group. https://griefline.org.au/get-help/support-groups/ If you are interested then please fill out the form in the link.

    This link https://griefline.org.au/get-help/find-a-grief-counsellor/ is another Griefline resource. In case you are looking for a counsellor, this page has a number of options you can explore. The list of grief counsellors are from across Australia. They are however listed state-wise.

    This website on self-compassion is quite resourceful on self-kindness. https://centerformsc.org/what-is-self-compassion/
    I find that the tool of self-compassion goes a long way in times of loss. This website helps me in navigating my daily life through grief. They have a meditation on Grief

    https://www.compassioninstitute.com/free-media/ (meditations)

    https://centerformsc.org/blog/ (to read)

    Another great resource https://self-compassion.org (both to read and practice)

    Self-kindness goes a long way in times of grief.

    After some time has passed you might want to try, Local community groups such as local council gardening groups, meet-up website has some groups you might want to join, your local neighbourhood house (another council initiative) might have a social group which might be able to support you with what you are going through right now. Given you are still young, you might be able to travel if you find a social group a bit far but helpful. At times of grief people often find volunteering for a cause close to their heart helps them feel better. As it adds meaning to their life and how they feel generally. It makes you leave your house, gives you a sense of purpose and connect with community. All of the above which is meaning, purpose and connection, all add to your wellbeing in times of grief. If I had your postcode I might be able to look up some resources for you, like local groups etc. You have mentioned that it has only been a week since your mother’s passing so all of the above can wait until some time has passed. It is too soon to be taking any action, right now it is your time to allow your grief. There is no one specific way to grieve. We all grieve in different ways. We must allow ourselves the non-judgmental space to go through what we are feeling at a time like this.

    Please feel to reach out to us between 8 am and 8 pm 7 days a week on our Helpline 1300 845 745.

    https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines (These helplines are for times outside the hours of Griefline, since you mentioned your nights are hard to get through) You do not have to be alone in your difficult experiences. Keep sharing with us and we are here for you. 🙂

    #26888
    lin01
    Participant

    Hi Milkystars,

    Thank you very much for all the resources and information links that you have posted above. I truly appreciate your advice and assistance. I also encourage others to have a look if in a similar situation to me.

    I will certainly review this information and the links once I get over the initial grieving period for my mum.

    Thank you everyone here at Griefline!

    Lin.

    #26929
    VM-The Old Oak Tree
    Participant

    Hi @Lin01,
    I’m very sorry for your loss. Having read through this thread I can see that she was and still is very special to you. I noticed how you mentioned that the difficult feelings intensify at night time. And I want you to know that that is something that is very common for people who are grieving. Callers on the Helpline report that fairly often, that night time is the most difficult time. So it’s very normal.
    And I think its also worth remembering that this has happened very recently. So its normal to feel lost and unsure as well. Of course, grief and bereavement doesn’t have a timeline, but this really is extremely early on for you. So I hope that you are able to be a bit easy on yourself by keeping that in mind. But of course, I also understand that its a really difficult time right now. You are suffering a very significant loss. And I want you to know that Griefline and the community members in this forum are here for you.
    I can see that you’re aware of Griefline’s other services and resources, and I hope that at least knowing that they’re there is a comfort for you as well.

    I wish you well Lin

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by VM-The Old Oak Tree.
    #27684
    lin01
    Participant

    Hi everyone,
    First of all, thank you kindly to everyone who has posted here with a reply to my original query. It’s much appreciated.

    It is now close to 2 months since my mother’s passing away. I have made some progress by trying to connect to the religious community for some support.

    I still feel quite scared now without the presence of my mother. In the past, she has always accompanied me whenever I do things (e.g. driving, shopping, going on vacation, banking, household matters etc.). I feel quite nervous now whenever I have to do these things alone and without being able to consult her for support or encouragement.

    I would like to ask if anyone here has any advice on how I can deal with this and cope?

    Many thanks in advance!
    Lin01.

    #27688
    vm-penny09
    Participant

    Hi Lin,

    I was reading through this forum discussion and I was actually wondering how you are going now Lin01. Especially now that it has been a few months since your dear mother passed. It was lovely to see your new post. It was also great to witness the amazing support that you have received from others on this thread. A beautiful discussion.

    It sounds like your church community has given you some comfort and purpose in finding social connection and support. I understand that this can be a long and difficult process. Getting to know new people and letting them in can be daunting especially since you are still in the early stages of grief and loss. Your mothers passing has a profound affect on your life right now and sometimes it can be so difficult to infuse yourself into a community of people with their own attitudes, beliefs and opinions about life and death. I just want to say how much I admire your ability to go reach out and not isolate too much.

    It is such a basic need for a person to look for community to belong to and a role that defines them. Your mother was your world and your role as daughter and carer was so well defined. But now that this identity has been changed it is so understandable and quite normal that you find yourself feeling anxious and afraid. Going out to do even simply tasks can fill you with dread and panic.

    As many have mentioned, Be kind to yourself. Keep heading out – take small steps. Do small errands and tell yourself its ok to be afraid and that the feeling will pass in a few minutes.

    Remember to reach out to Griefline. There is also the Bereavement Support Group that you can apply to join. It’s free and online via Zoom. That way you can talk about the fear and anxiety you are feeling without the challenge of going out.

    I look forward to reading more about your journey, as I believe there is great power in expressive writing toward healing emotional pain.

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 14 total)
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