I need lots of answers. (Please give me your perspective)

Resize text-+=

Home Forums Loss of a pet I need lots of answers. (Please give me your perspective)

  • This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 months ago by abc01.
  • Creator
    Topic
  • #31617
    abc01
    Participant

    Dear Everyone (please, as many people reply as you can),

    1. My pet didn’t have an illness.
    2. My pet wasn’t old and lived a full life.
    3. I didn’t get to have conversations with vets and family about the options for my pets care in the event of them being sick or elderly.
    4. I didn’t get to make an option that was best for my pet.
    5. I didn’t get to comfort my pet in their last moments.
    6. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my pet.

    As time and grief has moved on, I haven’t been able to reflect on any of these points and find any relief or comfort in them ,as others might in old age/illness type deaths of loved pets. I haven’t been able to find acceptance or peace in knowing I did my duty of care for my beloved pet. Why?

    1. My Cat didn’t have an illness.
    2. My Cat was a young boy of 3.5 years old.
    3. There wasn’t any need for consultations as he was in his prime and healthy. Vet checked.
    4. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my Cat before his death. I didn’t get to be there for him.
    5. I didn’t want to hold his body after I retrieved it and cradle, caress, kiss or talk to him as it was a horrific discovery and his body had started reacting to the process of being dead. I can guarantee you, no mother would want to hold their child like that. I told the person with me to just take him to the vet, as I couldn’t see or want to remember what I already had seen or anymore.

    My boy didn’t die of natural causes or life’s process. He was killed. He was killed where he was supposed to be safe. I wasn’t at home at that time of the day, but others were. I only got to go looking for him when he didn’t greet me when I got home. And I found his body, I knew he was dead the second I saw him,I had to retrieve him and see his body. I shouldn’t have looked at his eyes and his mouth. They haunt me to this day. I saw what I know to be my cat,but it wasn’t him anymore because he was lifeless. Like a shell of a puppet.

    As time and grief has moved on, I can’t find any relief or comfort in his passing for all those reasons above.

    Can anyone please give me their point of view or perspective on how I am supposed to find that type of relief or comfort in his passing? I am struggling resoundingly. I don’t have anywhere to go to ask this.

    Thank you greatly.
    ABC01

Viewing 6 replies - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Replies
  • #31634
    abc01
    Participant

    Dear VM-Tzimise,
    Thank you for your point of view and perspective on grief and the questions I posed.
    It is very true that an expected death is very different to an unexpected one. I have experienced a pets death of old age and illness that took him. I made the final choices for him and was there to say goodbye and stay with him until he had left. I have been through the pain and the grief of that death.
    This is not that experience at all. Sometimes I get moments of dejavu or flashes of reminders that I had a similar feeling during that grief of my old gentleman cat,so what I am feeling is normal. But most of the time I am just awake,staying still as time marks the day. I am no longer just waiting anymore. I am just awake during the day and asleep during the night.
    Accidents are unexpected and out of the blue. The questions are just endless and sometimes unfair to myself.
    I will get in touch with the hotline again.
    But something I have learnt through other therapies is that if I can get lots of other peoples points of view, I can expand my education on the issue,just like how a balloon gets bigger with every breath. So my balloon is slowly getting a little bigger,thanks to people responding to my posts.
    So thank you again for reaching out.
    ABC01

    #31633
    abc01
    Participant

    Dear VM-Serenity66,
    I wanted to thank you for your perspective.
    One thing that shines the most, in most of my replies to my posts, is how much everyone can see how I love him. There is no past tense. I love him right this second. I will continue to love him in the next second.
    Thank you for the reminder, I have called the hotline. I may do this again soon. I am struggling,with the what to do now. So self-care sounds like something to invest into.
    Gratefully,
    ABC01

    #31632
    abc01
    Participant

    Dear VM-Ceas15,
    Thank you for your response and understanding of how I am in a hard predicament with finding answers to my questions in my grief.
    I am grateful for your point of view and perspective. Which is why I am seeking as many as possible.
    I have written down these same questions and I will bring it up with my psychologist to discuss. If I am still struggling, I may have to try and engage a specialist in trauma. I don’t know if I will ever find the “comfort or peace” because of the situation that played out. But I maybe able to find something. I need to keep on holding onto that hope. And hope isn’t a word I have used once,since his passing.
    Thank you again,your post was easy to read and not overwhelming to digest,especially when my mind runs very slowly these days.
    Gratefully,
    ABC01

    #31631
    VM-Serenity66
    Participant

    Finding your lovely boy in this way was a terrible shock. It really comes through how awful those memories are for you, how desperately unfair it is that he passed in that way, and the helplessness that you felt.
    Now as the pain of loss stays with you, it is important that you care for yourself while that pain heals, however long that might take. There is no timeline.

    Loss is loss and hurts the same, regardless of what it is about. As an animal lover, I can understand what you are telling me. So much love gets invested in the little creatures that share our lives.

    It can be helpful just to talk to someone, to have your grief heard, so please feel welcome to talk to a compassionate volunteer on the Helpline (1300 845 745 from 8am to 8pm). It may also be helpful to visit the resource hub at https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

    #31630
    VM-Tzimisce
    Participant

    Hi again @abc01

    It’s good to see you still reaching out for support despite your emotional turmoil. I want to take the time to encourage you to keep doing that. Reaching out can be the hardest step.

    An unexpected death follows different paths to an expected death. When we are expecting a death, we can prepare. It will still hurt when it happens but it’s not the same. Often, we grieve while the dying person is still with us. But an unexpected death takes that opportunity away. We cannot prepare for their passing because we do not know it is coming. And then they are gone. It doesn’t help that you are experiencing all the guilt and shame that comes along with feeling like you were unable to protect your loved one.

    There is no well-trod path when it comes to unexpected grief because for each and every person it impacts it is different. That’s no real comfort, I know, but I want you to know you’re not alone. This self-doubt, this fear and pain… everyone who has experienced something similar s familiar with it. You sit there and you ask yourself what you could have done better but here’s the thing about accidents. They’re accidental. They’re not something we set an intention to perform. They are a surprise and often an unpleasant one at that.

    Have you tried to calling the helpline? It might do you good to talk to another human who can listen and empathise with you over the phone? If you want to try, our volunteers are available between 8 am and 8 pm every day of the week. Our phone number is 1300 845 745 and out volunteers are always eager to help you through this period.

    #31623
    VM-Ceas15
    Participant

    Hi @abc01,

    I’m deeply sorry to hear about the heartbreaking loss of your beloved cat. The pain and anguish you’re experiencing are completely understandable given the circumstances. Losing a pet in such a traumatic way, especially when they are so young and healthy, can be incredibly difficult to process.

    Your feelings of unresolved grief and lack of peace are valid. The abruptness and violence of your cat’s passing have left you without the closure that might come from natural causes or a lengthy illness. It’s clear that you loved your cat deeply and that his death has left a significant void in your life.

    The shock and horror of discovering your cat in that state are traumatic experiences. It’s no wonder you are haunted by those memories. The inability to say goodbye and be with him in his final moments adds an extra layer of pain and sorrow. It’s important to acknowledge that these feelings are a natural response to an unnatural and devastating event.

    Grief is a deeply personal journey and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What you’re feeling is a normal reaction to an incredibly abnormal situation. It might be helpful to speak with a professional who specializes in grief and trauma. They can provide you with strategies to cope with these painful memories and help you work towards finding some peace.

    Please know that you are not alone in this. There are many people who understand the profound bond between humans and their pets, and who have experienced similar losses. Reaching out to support groups, whether online or in person, can provide a community of people who can share in your grief and offer support.

    Thank you for sharing your story and reaching out for support. Your love for your cat is evident and it’s clear that you were a wonderful caregiver. Take all the time you need to grieve and remember that it’s okay to seek help when you need it. If you ever need to talk, Griefline is available at 1300 845 745 from 8am to 8pm. You don’t have to face this alone.

Viewing 6 replies - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Subscribe to our newsletter

Enter your details to stay up to date with our news and programs. You can unsubscribe at any time.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.