I lost my partner to suicide

[nibbetot]

I lost my partner to suicide a year ago and I still haven’t managed to find a way to cope. I try not to be miserable every day but I truly feel like I’ve lost all purpose and direction in my life. I lost my best friend and life partner and now I’m alone it feels empty. I can’t help but feel guilty and shameful that I didn’t see the signs that everyone talks about in a suicidal person he was my closest person and I had no idea untill the day he went missing and I just had this gut wrenching feeling he did something to himself. Any advice or resources would be appreciated right now I’m honestly at my last straw.

Topic

[abc01]

Dear Nibbetot,

I am sorry for your loss and the experience you’ve shared with us.
I am also someone who has experienced a sudden loss and suffer from PTSD and Depression as a result.
One day my life was going on as normal and by the end of that afternoon it had completely changed. Being treated by mental health professionals they have explained to me that three things typically happen with trauma. As someone suffering there is often 3 things we tend to lose or question. 1. Who am I as a person now? 2.Can’t see or envision the future for yourself currently. 3. Have no direction or purpose in life.
All or none of these things may be questions for you. But they are all normal to be stuck on. And all of these may take time and effort to work through.
All of your thoughts and feelings are valid. There are so many questions left unanswered and will continue to do so.
What has happened has been such a massive shock to both your mind and your body. They have both been affected and your days may have been just surviving them going through the motions, rather than actually living them. So those are the thoughts and feelings you are used to. Having moments of being guilt free are scary rather than relieving. And blame is easier to turn on yourself than acceptance. I know myself it is easier for me to get and stay angry than be sad. Grief is often a lonely process, so I hope you have been able to connect with at least your GP, who maybe able to then connect you with services like a psychologist. Survivor’s guilt is real too.
But one thing is certain. The only mind you can be in,is your own. It isn’t your fault what other people do. Even those closest to you. Yes there may have been signs,but being able to definitively decipher them can be difficult.But it is important to know that not every single person who decides to end their lives will show them all and so strongly either. And even if they do, that you could follow them around 24 hours a day and stop them. Alot of people have suicidal thoughts, but never act on them. I guess as human beings, we believe that people will just never have the guts to go through with it, or really want to either. So it is okay to feel guilt and shameful. But to blame yourself consistently for a decision you didn’t make, isn’t fair on you, no matter how deeply you love them. But this may take time and a guiding hand to work through the issues of why you feel like this.
There are many forums on australian mental health sites that you maybe able to share your thoughts and talk with like minded people and get their perspectives too. There are also hotlines that you can call on partially hard days to release what is on your mind.
You are important. So keep reaching out. I know it is hard. But you are worth it.
I hope this may have been helpful or at the very least, for you to know you are not alone. And that there are strangers out there who are experiencing the same things you are, but just on their own journeys unfortunately.
Wishing you the best,
ABC01

[VM_Cedric]

Hi Nibbetot,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a partner to suicide is an unimaginable pain, and I can only imagine how heavy this past year has been for you. You’re carrying so much grief, loneliness, and guilt—and I want you to know that you don’t have to carry it alone.

It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to find purpose after losing someone who was such a central part of your life. Grief, especially after suicide, can bring so many complex emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, even moments of numbness. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and just getting through each day right now is an achievement in itself.

I hear how much guilt you’re feeling, and I want to gently remind you: this was not your fault. It’s so common for people to look back and wonder what signs they missed, but the truth is, suicidal thoughts are often hidden, even from those closest to them. You loved your partner deeply, and love alone isn’t always enough to prevent a tragedy like this. You did not fail them.

Right now, you’re feeling lost and at your last straw, and that really concerns me. Please know that you don’t have to do this alone—there are people who want to support you through this. Have you been able to talk to anyone—a grief counselor, a support group, or even a trusted friend? There are also organisations that can offer support StandBy Support After Suicide – Offers 24/7 crisis support, local connections, and resources for people bereaved by suicide https://standbysupport.com.au/

If it feels too overwhelming to think long-term, just focus on small steps for now. Even little things—getting outside for a short walk, journaling, or talking to someone who understands—can help keep you afloat. You deserve support, and you deserve kindness, especially from yourself.

Please keep reaching out

[VM-Jerry1]

Hi Nibbetot, thanks for reaching out. It sounds as though you are really struggling after the loss of your partner from suicide. It can be so lonely when you lose the person closest to you and it is normal to have such strong emotions. It is important, however, that you can get some support for yourself to work through your feelings of loss and guilt. You can call us on Griefline on 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm over the next 4 days. The suicide call back service is also available for people who have lost a loved one to suicide, and they may be very helpful for you right now. Here is a link to their relevant page which also includes the suicide call back number.https: //www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/lost-someone-to-suicide/ They have phone and online counselling available and are contactable 24/7 on 1300 659 467. There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 which is always also 24/7. I hope you can be kind to yourself and know that it is not your fault. PLease take the opportunity for some self care and dont hesitate to reach out to one of these services for some help. Thank you again for reaching out, you are not alone.

[Author]

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