Grieving myself

[yelo]

I am 52 and for the last 22 years I have been isolated from family and friends although I live with my mum. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage for 15 years. I broke free from my marriage at 30 but have been left traumatised. I lost my father who I loved very much also at 30. He was my best friend and he always looked out for me although he couldn’t protect me in the way he would have liked to. Not a day goes past when I don’t grieve him. I am currently facing my trauma and grieving for the lost teenager I was who had so many beautiful dreams of romance and family and life. None of that happened because I ‘trauma bonded’ with my ex husband and I experienced a horrible life. Today I feel very sad.

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[VM- thanasis43]

Hi @yelo, thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m deeply sorry to hear of the trauma and loss you have experienced. Leaving a violent relationship is an incredibly difficult thing to do and I really applaud your bravery in managing to do that. It is heartbreaking that you lost your greatest source of support in the same year. That two such huge events happened in close proximity is likely to have complicated how you were able to process them both.

I am glad to hear you still have your mum. Are you able to talk with her about how you feel?

Do you have any rituals that help you connect with and honour your dad? You may find it helpful to try some of the suggestions listed here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/

I’m sure there are others on the forum who know the pain of losing a parent too, and we are all here for you.

[Author]

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