Grief Wave

[shelly99]

Just needed to chat to someone, but lost our beautiful daughter almost 5 years ago to suicide after a 4 year battle with mental health. It’s been a long hard journey of living life without her, and I have kept myself very busy by starting a charity and helping others in need. But today I have got up and ready for work and had driven halfway there when I had to pull over and bawl. I had to go back home. I’ve been hit by these grief waves before, but they are tough. I’ve called in sick and just going to have a me day.
Her birthday is next week and she would have been 25. Life can be quite unfair sometimes
Thanks for listening.
From a sad mum x

Topic

[VM-Jinx]

Hi shelly99,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is such an unpredictable process and it can overwhelm us when we least expect it. What you are experiencing is understandable, particularly with your daughter’s birthday next week. Sometimes we grieve for the loss of what could have been as much as the loss of our loved one.

It’s wonderful that you have started a charity and that is such a beautiful way to honour your daughter. Being of service to others and helping to share the resources you have learned can be very healing, as well as making a profound difference in the lives of others.

Having a me day sounds like a good idea. Grieving is as much a physical process as a mental one. Taking time out to rest and giving yourself time to recover from this wave of grief is really important.

Please be gentle with yourself over the next week. A birthday is a really challenging time and prioritising self care can be key to moving through this period.

Take care,
Jinx

[shelly99]

Thank you for your kind reply, and you are right the beginning of the year is always tough with her birthday and two weeks later our girls anniversary. I think it just surprised me just how hard it hit today. I’ve definitely done nothing today except rest and cry. X

[stefan]

Hi Shelly,

I put a post up here on my experience with grief just the other day. I had thought that the hardest thing I was ever going to do was nurse my wife through her cancer. The second round of serious grief hit me 6 months after her death and that two and a half, three month period of grief was actually harder than nursing her. I still think my control of my life, my emotions and my health were somehow stolen away from me even if it sounds almost unrealistic to suggest.

I hope you can talk about what you have and are experiencing as that is such an important, supporting and healing thing to do. I have found the councillors here at Griefline very caring and of course partners, family, friends, those you love deeply are so important to.

Take care,
Stefan

[VM_sunni]

Hi Shelley – I recognise you posted this a while ago, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post and was very moved. It sounded like a really tough time and that although you’d experienced the waves of grief before, that recent one was really challenging. Birthdays and anniversaries can certainly be particularly hard as reminders of the ones we’ve lost, and it’s normal for grief to come back just as intensely. I’m so glad you were able to take some time out for yourself and provide yourself with the space and support you needed. I wonder how you’re going now? These forums are always here for you to safely express yourself and connect with others who can truly empathise and support you. All the best with your charity work, which is such a wonderful way to honour your daughter and experience.

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