Compounding grief

[annsmith]

Hi, I’m nearly 70 and like Barry Humphries have become aware of joining a queue.. to the pearly gates.

My father died 9 years ago, I was there. My mother died a year ago and had advanced Alzheimer’s.. which was truly awful. I haven’t cried. I actually can’t cry as my tear glands have dried up.

My first friend died at 35, the next one’s.. 7, 5 and 1 year ago. I look at my older partner and wonder how long he has left and try to help him keep fit and healthy. So many star, celebrities and former work colleagues have died.. people I looked up to and learned from.

I ruminate about this and think about how to avoid a painful death or a death from Alzheimer’s.. and becoming dependent, difficult to look after and not myself.

How do others deal with encroaching thoughts of the death of more loved ones, and self? Do you cry over lost ones?

Grateful for your thoughts.

Topic

[VM-Serenity66]

Hi Annsmith,

It’s an ever evolving challenge, growing older, contemplating one’s own mortality and the impermanence of ourselves, our loved ones and the situations around us. Acknowledging the series of losses that you have experienced I agree that it can disturb the mind. Memories of the past and ruminating on what might happen in the future can invade the moment and rob us of peace in the present. Nevertheless, it is important for me to find balance between honoring the past, planning for the future and being in contact with the present moment so that I am able to find joy in what is happening now. Perhaps the most effective strategy for me, is to involve myself in valued activities and enjoy my time with valued people as much as I am able, while I am able. I wonder … who and what is it that you would most like to be giving your attention to now?

For a compassionate conversation about your losses, and hopes for the future, with a caring volunteer, you are welcome to call the Helpline on 1300 845 745.

[onlinecommunity]

Hi Annsmith,

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your parents, and the friends which you’ve lost along the way. I could imagine your mother’s Alzheimer’s wasn’t an easy thing to deal with either. When others who are close to us pass away, I think it can really make us reflect upon our own mortality and the thought of eventually becoming dependant on others to look after us.

For me, while I do fear the loss of people close to me, especially my mother who is 81, I think I put it out of my mind a lot of the time. Possibly, as some sort of way of protecting myself. Although, I’m lucky in that I don’t have anyone in my life who is unwell at the moment, even in older age.

Please continue to engage in the online forums, we are here listening to you.

[Author]

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