Breakup grief

[naka]

My ex and I broke up very recently and I’m so devastated and feel lonely.

We dated for 2 years, almost 3 years. We really connected over the topics we spoke about and never argued.

But because theres a quite of an age gap difference, he never really gave the normal affectionate behaviour as hes “already done it”. Such as planning for dates, gifting gifts and as far as not getting anything for anniversary and special occasions. Most he would do is just pay for the dinner but no gifts.

Because of the age gap, he was afraid of the consequences that people may do to him. So for 2 years, he made me lie about my relationship status to all my friends and family until I couldn’t handle holding it in anymore as he said if I did, he would break up with me. I know this is a red flag but this was my first proper relationship and I did not want to lose him. He barely did the bare minimum but he was utterly the most supportive and positive person I’ve ever met.

One week, he had finally let me tell my parents about us being together. Although my parents didnt like the idea of me dating an older guy, they didnt tell us to break up.

2 weeks later, he confesses that he likes another girl and wants to try non-monogamy. It tore my heart, as I have been doing everything to show my love and care but I tried to go along with non-monogamy.

The past 3 months were terrible. I felt unloved and unworthy just from the thought that he liked someone else. I would tell him every now and then but he wouldn’t break up with her. At one point I got suicidal and it gets bad enough that he called the police to do a welfare check. That happened just two weeks ago.

He urges me to go to the doctor or psychiatrist to get a mental health screening but I knew what could have solved this issue, leaving the girl behind. But I knew he wouldnt.

In the end, he couldn’t handle my mental health issues and broke up. I feel so lonely and a big part of me has been ripped away since he was always the person I could go to for help. I don’t really have friends so its a lot harder to deal with. Im not really sure what to do with my future, I just keep thinking I want to disappear.

Topic

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @angelita24,
It’s okay to feel conflicted right now. You’re grieving a relationship that meant a lot to you, and navigating new found independence, which sounds like it’s exciting but also intimidating for you. You’ve been through a lot emotionally and relationally so it makes sense that this separation feels difficult, especially after years of shared history and parenting.
It sounds like you’re reflecting a lot on what has happened throughout the time you spent together, and that you’re connecting with regrets you have about some of your choices from the past. I hope you know this shows personal courage and a willingness to grow, even though you are experiencing painful feelings of loss, guilt and uncertainty at the moment. You’ve shown resilience before through depression, migration, and relationship challenges. That strength is still with you now, even if things feel heavy.
It’s okay not to have all the answers right now; you’re in a transition period maybe try to allow yourself to take things one step at a time.
Know that you can reach out here anytime and you can also call our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT).
When you feel ready there are some resources on the Griefline website which you might find helpful,you can just copy the address below into your web browser:

Relationship Loss: Coping with the end of a relationship

You don’t have to travel this road alone.

[angelita24]

My husband and I are separated after 8 years of relationship and a 5 years old kid.

I still love him and I miss him, but I know we need to be separated at the moment… I have hurt him lots and the relationship was not working.

There was infidelities from my side and he decided to stay with me despite that… the last time it happened he said it is enough, I won’t pass it…

Now he is super angry and hurt, he has changed with me… he doesn’t even ask me how I am, not talking to me much at all…

I am enjoying being independent as I did not live that period of the life, as I met him practically when I arrived to Australia from overseas.

I have had depression episodes from I got to Australia and he has been always there for me.

We have had lots of obstacles in our relationship but we have dealt with it together…

The relationship did ended up juat because of infidelity, I am not the only one guilty here…

I have the hope to get back together when we heal… I am working to be a better person not just for me but for my family.

I am not sure what to do atm…

[healingwords]

Hey @naka,

I am so sorry about the breakup, and the non-monogany that tore your heart and the way that your ex-boyfriend was only doing the bare minimum for you and not more. Sorry that you feel like you want to disappear. It’s common to feel that way after a breakup, but you have been so brave to go onto this forum and share your honest feelings.

Please take my words as a reminder of the truth that you are precious, you are valued, and that there are people in this world who care for you and value you in spite of what you may be feeling right now and it would be a deep loss for this world if you were no longer around. You’ve got this!

[VM_Billie20]

Hi @naka,
Thank you for finding the courage to share what you’ve been going through. I’m so sorry to hear about your recent breakup, it sounds like there was a lot of love and connection in your relationship, and you’ve been carrying so much, the secrecy of having to keep it hidden, the pain of feeling unseen, and now the deep loss of someone who meant so much to you. That’s an incredibly heavy burden to hold while trying to make sense of everything.

Please remember that you don’t have to face this alone. Griefline is here to listen and walk alongside you — 1300 845 745.

If at any time you begin to feel unsafe or overwhelmed by your thoughts, please reach out to Lifeline (13 11 14) for immediate support.

We are here to support you,
VM_Billie20

[VM-flo]

Dear Naka,

I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup, it’s never easy to go through something like this, especially after being together for so long. Thank you for reaching out and sharing how you’re feeling.

I wonder if you have had a chance to contact the helpline to talk with someone about your loss and what you’ve been experiencing? It might be helpful to have that extra support right now: 1300 845 745.

If you’re having thoughts of suicide, please reach out to Lifeline (13 11 14) for immediate help.

We are here to support you, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for that extra support when you need it.

Take care,
VM-Flo

[Author]

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