Anticipatory grief + hope

[sillygoose]

My mother has been the in ICU for 17 days. Influenza A lead to sepsis and 3 opportunistic infections. In an induced coma, on a respirator. 17 days, and she still can’t breathe by herself. I feel stuck in limbo. Any moment, I could get a call that she went in VT or rapid AF, or that her kidneys are failing. Bacteria found in blood. A blood clot. So many things could kill her in the state she is in. I grieve for someone who is still alive, who COULD survive. But also could not. I don’t know what to do with myself. This is 24/7 and it’s overwhelming. I want to talk to someone who has lived through something similar, I want to know how they did or did not break.

Topic

[VM-angel33]

Dear @sillygoose
Thank you for reaching out on our forums. I am truly so sorry to hear the situation you are in with your Mum being so sick in hospital. I can’t imagine how stressful and gruelling the wait must be.
Anticipatory grief is so difficult and I can hear how this feels constant and 24/7 – constantly worrying and waiting and not knowing what to do with yourself.
Having supports to talk to can be so helpful. Whether it be a psychologist or counsellor, a loved one, Beyond Blue (an online counselling helpline) or Griefline (1300 845 745 8am – 8pm AEST).
You deserve support through this difficult time.
Sending love,
VM-angel33

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @sillygoose,

It is a truly challenging situation you are facing with your Mum. I am reminded of a time, many years ago, when my Dad lay in a coma, his fate unknown. It’s completely understandable that you’re experiencing a range of emotions during this uncertain time, and it’s essential to acknowledge that your feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
The limbo you find yourself in, waiting for any news about your Mum’s condition, can be incredibly taxing emotionally. Grieving for someone who is still alive but in a critical state is a complex experience, and it’s important to let yourself feel the emotions that arise without judgment.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by the intensity and unpredictability of the situation. Please remember that it’s vital to take care of yourself during this time. While it may feel difficult, try to maintain your regular routines, like eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you comfort or distraction. Sometimes it’s the simple things that ground you and get you through.
Reaching out for support is an essential step in navigating this challenging period. Connecting with trusted friends, family members, or a counsellor can give you a safe space to process your emotions and get some strength back.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle this situation. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to feel what comes up; taking things one day at a time.
Anticipatory grief is taxing and ambiguous. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help when needed. Reach out for a conversation with a volunteer on the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am – 8pm AEST) if you feel up to it.

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