I’m sorry I’ve been slow to respond. I became really unwell for some time there, to be honest I’m still not going well.
I’m sorry to hear of your father and pa’s passing. I lost my grandpa to cancer also.
I understand your pain. I avoided seeing my father initially out of fear that I wouldn’t cope. That must’ve been hard that you were not able to see him often, especially being in school. Even now I wish I’d held my dad’s hand more too, that I’d sat with him for longer. Even though brain tumours can make them confused and impact their memory, I’m sure your pa would’ve cherished every moment he had with you. I know my dad did, right up until the end. Protecting your own emotions is something you must’ve needed at the time and I think many of us can relate to that. I think regret is something that will often come up, but it gets easier with time, and some days re better than others. It sounds like you did the best you could in a really tough situation.
It’s coming up to Father’s Day and my dads first birthday since he has passed. It’s been on my mind a lot, which is why I found myself back on this forum. I was honestly going to just pretend this Sunday was the same as every other day and not celebrate. But now I’m realising that isn’t honouring or celebrating his memory, it’s avoiding the reality of him being gone.
I wish you all the best on your navigation of grief ❤️