Reply To: How do you find strength when coping with grief alone?

[katevm]

Dear Moon,
Thank you for your words. You are correct in saying that this forum and people like you are making the (seemingly endless) journey of grief a bit more bearable. I am also very saddened to hear about your loss. You sound so strong. Your son was lucky to have you. I hope you have support from family and friends?
I told my husband about this forum. I don’t think he understood it and like most people, think that it’s full of people ‘grief dumping’ with no real action plan. I can see his point but yet another example of people who just expect you to pick YOURSELF up and dust yourself off because they haven’t yet had to endure the pain (and probably never will as he has no deep connections with his family or friends-just me!).
So one side I want to club him but as he’s so darned practical, I can’t help but agree that I (and others perhaps) do need to suggest things that are of help?. I wonder what you do when you experience the ebb of grief about to take hold of you?
A lot of people suggest writing a diary type thing. I haven’t found that to work – yet – but I think this is pretty close to a journal. So take that husband!-these forums are very constructive – this isn’t JUST a forum to release sadness, all these words are helping to organize our brains and we will be able to look back on these letters to each other and see that we are growing-even though we don’t feel it most of the time. A problem shared is a problem halved as well.
So I thank you again and will be here for you when and if you need. I wonder where you live?-would be great to all catch up one day and release some doves or something! Mum was an avid bird watcher-we used to sit for hours just watching.
I do find gardening to be of some use-we have acres of garden so there’s always something that needs to be done. And it’s also great to get out – somewhere with not many people and that inspires a new project/idea like a gallery, market or for me a salvage yard! First time in a LONG time I could see bits of a future. See, not feel. The ‘passion’ for life will hopefully come with the doing?!
I planted a tree for Mum last week and made a tree guard. It’s taken all of 4 hours for the cows to eat all the lower branches and almost get their head stuck in the guard. Mum!! Shoo them away!! Hope she finds it amusing to watch!
Take care all you lovely people and I know it sounds corny but when the sun shines, try and think of the warmth you feel as if were our loved ones giving us their beautiful hugs.
Kate.