Home › Forums › Loss of a loved one › How do you find strength when coping with grief alone? › Reply To: How do you find strength when coping with grief alone?
Hello @katevm
Firstly, i want to say that i can relate to a lot of the things you are saying. I definitely agree that the grief experienced with a loved one that has cancer is as real- even if they survive- than if they were to die. My grandfather did die from cancer in April, but the anticipatory grief leading up to it and seeing his condition deteriorate was worse than when he actually passed. In fact, when he died everyone was just relieved that the pain stopped like he wanted it to.
I also really relate to having people around, but not having people around. The death of someone is so complicated and it is really really hard to know who will be helpful to talk to. I have a few friends that i can rant to about things that are bothering me, but it is so different when it comes to death. How can i talk to fellow 18 year olds about my dad who committed suicide when they have their own dad’s still alive, or do not have a good relationship with them? All i can get is the “i am sorry”, “is there anything i can do?” and “i know you miss him, he was a great guy”. Although kind, it is just so hard to find people that understand.
On your point about motivation… I am also really unmotivated to exercise. Sometimes i will just sit inside for weeks on end because it is too hard to face the world. And because i am depressed and nothing seems worth it, my creativity is also stumped (i create characters and digital paintings). I also think it is well enough to say to find the good in life and have goals and things, but sometimes grief blocks all that out, so i dont think u should beat yourself up about not having that seemingly “easy” ability to switch to that frame of mind. You are going through a lot, and it is super hard to see through the fog. Be kind to yourself and i think it is crucial to focus just as much on the things you need for your mental health, as well as the non negotiable parts of your life.
It seems like online forums and things are going to be your best bet of connecting with people! I personally post art on instagram, and something that has helped me get more motivated to keep making art is requests from family and friends. Maybe u could surprise one of your good friends with a painting of something of their choice (for example, i drew my great uncle’s cats for him). I would recommend telling them you are making it though so that they can get excited and fuel your motivation!
I hope that helps, and I am very sorry for your loss, as well as the awful anticipatory grief you are experiencing 🙁