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Hey Deb,
Always lovely to hear from you! And @VM_Cleo-I will try and join the next group via Zoom as I live near Daylesford on a small farm, a bit like you Deb!
PS @VM_Cleo, can I give @debsayge my email somehow as it’s just us two nattering away!!?
I was thinking this morning that I probably shouldn’t have expected many people on this forum to share their thoughts on the subject of coping alone because I am exactly how you said it Deb-We’re all Desperate!!!-Desperate for any cure, sign, or words that will take even a little of the pain away!! Desperate to be heard amongst what feels like a closed loop out there. And desperate people who are struggling emotionally, physically, mentally and domestically (the washing has waited for a week now!) do NOT have a lot to spare. IN the same way that I don’t have a lot to spare others. Moreover, I don’t even think I have advice for anyone. Some of my cures are not healthy ones! I will try and help others when and where I can. I guess it’s also important not to equate my grief with anyone elses and vice versa. It’s all relative so I don’t need to feel like I wouldn’t inderstand losing 2 parents or a child, etc. We can all help by just being here and letting it out..
Sorry to hear about your Mum. That’s a tough one as in my experience, you can’t make people care if they really haven’t displayed much since now! Maybe they don’t know how to but I’m pretty sure you’d know that much by now? my Dad is a narcissict and is only displaying ‘care’ because he wants attention.
My mother in law is emotionless. My husband rang her last night and didn’t tell her that he was going in for a PET scan today because “she doesn’t care, so whats the point”.
Just want to break something..!! SHe didn’t ring us ONCE when he went through 3 months chemo and 2 months of recovery from surgery. Even though she is a nice lady, seriously, WTF.
So I get it. It’s f”ed up and I feel sorry for these people that are missing out on true love and care.
Losing a loved one is two fold. There’s the pain of missing them and not being able to enjoy the future with them and then there is the loss of joy in yourself and the struggle to find ANYTHING that will make you feel SOMETHING!! I think I’m just repeating myself here but the joy (maybe or maybe not) can be found in and through others that just aren’t to be found in my life. Maybe the key is to be more forward and asking for a freakin hug now and then? BUt that would just make me feel tragic!!
Reading your letters help Deb so please feel free write anytime and whatever! Don’t ever worry about repeating yourself-exhibit A here. I would put a post out on FB for a grief network. If you’re not into all that stuff, ask the Neighbourhood centre to do it for you.? Even if you get one, that might help? I would come but its a 2 hr drive!?
Youre never alone.
Kate