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Hi Deb (and anyone else?),
So nice to hear from you! I must say though, given the subject/content of my post and only one reply – my sentiments of struggling alone have only been more highlighted! Did I say something wrong!? Do I come across too whingey??!! Maybe everyone else does have an amazing support network?. Oh well. I take it Deb, you have a partner and a son and I truly hope they are of some comfort. I understand you when you say your husband often does ‘his thing’! Its very hard to find ‘your thing’ when so much of it is/was tied to someone else and making them happy. I guess that was ‘my thing’ in a way. My mum wasn’t very well looked after so I tried to make up for it and spent most of my days sending her things, talking to her, arranging her life etc. My husband has very little social skills (more interested in wood) so I am the social/personal/romantic coordinator. (I got a pool cleaner for my birthday this year after saying I wanted something special given it was a shit year!!) Something to make you laugh. So in a way my thing again, is to nurture him as he is clueless on the EQ front.
I really feel your pain through your words. Time does help but for all the seconds and minutes of the day that you are doubled over in pain, there is not a lot of comfort but to make friends with grief in a way, it can be a beautiful thing. Don’t think you will always be like this or that life will never have it’s beautiful moments (okay, so I’m still waiting but I AM hopeful). The only comfort I take from all of this is that I was fortunate to have loved so deeply. I know many people who have never experienced the closeness of a mother or a child, some have even admitted to not loving their partners. Perhaps this is why there isn’t a hell of a lot of support and we aren’t surrounded by influxes of care-some people just haven’t the faintest what deep love feels like, a love that is, sadly, only really understood through loss.
I am trying to set up a local grief network but not having much luck. Again, either people are surrounded by a caring group of friends and family or maybe people don’t want to talk about pain and how to deal with it? I might ask admin (if it’s okay with you) if we can swap emails and perhaps over time we can form our own network? I would like that!
Big hugs and for all of you who are in a world of pain, remember we are lucky to have felt the true depth and breadth of probably the most profound emotion life gives us.
Onwards,
kate