I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your beloved sister. I am glad that you are reaching out to the forum and sharing your burden of grief. It is normal to feel a mixture of feelings right now and feel guilty to be smiling again in the midst of grieving. What you are experiencing is something you should not have to bear alone.
It sounds like you are feeling a little lost in terms of coping in your everyday life. This is a very resourceful article that may help you to understand your grief and coping strategies that work for you. I have also attached some mindfulness strategies that may help you to cope today.
Have you tried calling our Griefline helpline at 1300 845 745? We are available 6am to 12am to listen and support you 🙂