Sorry for your loss. It is definitely difficult to lose a parent. You said that you’re feeling some anger towards him, sad over his passing, regret over missing last week’s call and lost on how to move forward. These feelings are normal.
When we’re processing the loss of someone, it is important we take care of ourselves. https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ highlights ways in which we can do this- such as getting enough sleep, to spending time doing activities we enjoy. https://griefline.org.au/resources/mindfulness-for-grief/ also provides suggestions on how you can cope with grief, such as engaging in mindfulness and journaling. Writing down how you’re feeling can be useful in processing the feelings that have arisen as a result of your father’s passing.
You also mentioned that you’re still struggling physically and mentally while others have moved on. I just want to say that there’s no set timetable for coping with loss. Take your time to process your emotions, and allow yourself to feel them.
In your post, you said that you’re experiencing distressing memories of the funeral ceremonies- I’m wondering if this is something you would like to explore further with a psychologist or counsellor? They might be able to help you process these memories.
Finally, I just want to acknowledge your strength in reaching out on the forums. Keep on sharing your story- we’re here to listen. Also, feel free to call the helpline at 1300 845 745 if you would like to talk.