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Hello dear Kate,
I am a bereaved Mumma of my precious girl Sayge (my sweet Sayge is my post here) and I am and have been in pretty much that space your in now, hopeless, joyless, that’s why I’m here as I’ve absolutely no one, we too are remote (small farm in Hastings on the Mornington peninsula) and my family as I’ve explained in my posts just dreadful, no friends have remained at all as my grief for my Sayge has not changed ( why would it )and they as we all here know, somehow (without the pain of losing their own child)!think I should be different by now.
All I can offer you is that yes I find it disturbing most say, as you mention have that element of community, leaning on friends/family it goes on and on, and yes I relate so much to your feelings that when you don’t have that!! And your thoroughly exhausted, so terribly saddened and traumatised….feeling all the stages (sometimes all over the place in one day everyday, ) crying inconsolably every morning and night Like many here, as you’ll see as you read some others posts it’s so much harder to bare! Joanne Cacciatore explains it this way ‘having loving caring people around brings a softness to the unbearable pain’ We as a family have tried to reach out and everything so far has not worked out because as you already know it’s so impossible on your own to do just that. We actually!!! Are thinking about how to word a sign out front of our place (I’m serious) to ask for another bereaved of their child family to come share a cup of tears, as we/I feel so desperate.
I would also like to mention if you don’t mind (the only book I’ve been able to read since) Joanne cacciatore called bearing the unbearable and the handbook grieving is loving, it doesn’t help like nothing does honestly, however it gives the courage to feel our pain truely and allows what our backward society does not , to be allowed our crushing pain.
I hope Kate that here in the forum you find the friends you so desperately need, we are many in sorrow and we do understand and care cause we are in it with you, please keep chatting we are listening.
So much love to you dear one